10 Things to Watch out for on Transfer Deadline Day in the Premier League
That sound you can hear is the transfer window ever so slowly closing, creaking to a halt and finally coming to a rest at 11 p.m. UK time on Monday.
Premier League managers have until then to finalise their squads for the remainder of the season, and this need to both gain and lose players does strange things to the world of the Premier League.
Transfer deadline day progresses like few others, but there are always a few constants that you can look out for.
So get out your deadline-day bingo card, and prepare to cross the following off when they occur.
Excited Young Fans
Car parks outside training grounds and stadiums never get as much exposure as they do on deadline day, as young and not so young supporters gather around a sometimes frightened news reporter in a bid to hear the very latest updates.
These fans will cheer on command and at the mere mention of the midfielder their club has signed on loan from Ligue 1 and that they've never actually seen play, but at least the British weather has a slight chance of being reasonable for them on Monday, unlike the closure of the January window when many layers are required.
No deadline day would be complete without the obligatory "sighting" of a player at an airport about to board a private jet, a train platform waiting to begin their journey and sometimes even a motorway service station.
All of these are of course evidence that the latest superstar player is about to sign for your club, but perhaps this year we shouldn't believe them unless they are accompanied by a selfie?
1 That Goes to the Wire... and Collapses
In January we were all obsessed with the Ukrainian winger Yevhen Konoplyanka, whose move to Liverpool was believed to have been finalised before it dramatically fell through in the closing hours of deadline day, as detailed here by Andy Hunter in The Guardian.
There will be another deal which fails just as Konoplyanka's did on Monday, but no one can be sure just who it will be just yet.
And 1 That Gets Done After Closing Time
In contrast to the Konoplyanka saga, there is also the possibility that a transfer deal extends until way beyond the deadline such as Andrey Arshavin's move from Zenit St Petersburg to Arsenal in 2009.
A number of factors including a snowstorm held up the move for Russian playmaker, who eventually finalised his switch to the Gunners 24 hours after the deadline had passed, after the Premier League ruled that the necessary paperwork had all been completed by the player and his new club in time.
Everton fans know all about the rumour that Juan Roman Riquelme was going to join the Blues, as it has cropped up in nearly every single transfer window.
The club themselves seemingly know of it too, with the Daily Mail revealing in 2007 that a "technical error" led to some test pages appearing live on their official website. The content of one of those test pages? "Everton agree Riquelme deal."
Sometimes if you want something enough it happens, but all other times are like this.
On August 2010's deadline day, Liverpool's Ryan Babel entered folklore as his mythical helicopter took off from Merseyside and was headed for London, with either Tottenham or West Ham his destination. He never arrived at either club, and stayed at the Reds for another five months.
Babel, currently at Kasimpasa in Turkey, might well pop up on this deadline day too, but his helicopter is likely to be trending on Twitter before he does, largely because he encourages it to.
Harry Redknapp's Car Window
Ah yes, the old favourite.
No deadline day is complete without Harry Redknapp driving out his club's training ground, stopping for the waiting reporters and winding down his car window to tell them that he's not signing anyone, whilst three players undergo medicals in the building behind him.
Queens Park Rangers' poor start to the season must mean that Redknapp is on the lookout for more additions in the remainder of this window, so you can expect him to keep the media busy.
On January 2011's deadline day, Liverpool were flush with the £50 million they'd just somehow managed to prise from Chelsea for Fernando Torres. That has since proven to be a great deal for the Reds, but no discussion of it can take place without the addition that £35 million of that money was immediately sent to Newcastle for Andy Carroll.
Everyone knew that was exorbitant at the time, and it has since proven to be damagingly so.
Fees get crazy on deadline day, as the Reds first benefited and then suffered from.
Sky Sports have done a lot for football, some positive and plenty negative.
Their decision to seemingly take ownership of deadline day is one that has now become universally accepted, and whilst the hype they place around sometimes very mundane moves does grate a little, you can't argue that it's not entertaining.
Which is really all they are aiming for.
Money can make footballers do strange things, including driving all the way down to London and sitting in the Queens Park Rangers car park.
Peter Odemwingie did just that in January 2013 but, as detailed by Simon Peach in The Independent, his expected move from West Bromwich Albion to QPR never materialised, leaving the Nigerian to look more than a little foolish.
Desperate times call for desperate measures from both players and clubs, and don't be surprised if we see a similarly bizarre story play out on Monday.
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