The Chicago Cubs Pep Talk

(Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

The All-Star break is before us, which means the first half of the season has come to a close, and while most will sit back and analyze their team’s progress—or lack thereof—I can’t help but wonder what that will get me aside from headaches and the occasional fit more true to a diabetic or schizophrenic.

No offense to either, but you get the point.

I have read a myriad of articles that ranged from fans showering their teams with accolades of a fine performance so far, and I've also read an equal amount of articles from fans throwing cabbage and disdain to performances well beneath their team’s potential—both of which are equally fitting.

After all, that’s what a being a fan is all about, isn’t it?

Some seasons are a walk around the maypole, while other seasons are a trip down the river Stix, and it is that ebb and flow that either drives us to euphoria, or plunges us into the depths of madness.

I have decided to take a similar approach. But rather follow suit, I decided to take another avenue.

One that is fleeting and more idealistic.

I thought it would be fun to take the mentality of the proverbial “halftime” talk we know so well in football and apply it to baseball.

Taboo, I know.

But I HOPE that somewhere, somehow, just maybe, an ACTUAL Chicago Cubs player or other member of the team will read this and say:

“Hey, HEY YEAH, he’s right, that’s what we needed to hear!”

So here you are, Chicago.

So here we are boys; the midway point. Better than half the season is over and we are hovering at .500. Why? Well I’ll tell yeah why, because we’re playing like a .500 team and no better. Our RBIs are down, the HRs are bottom dwelling and our overall team average suggests the fences we’ve been swinging for are no more than a 100 feet away.

Seriously, what the heck is going on out there huh? And let’s not focus on injuries. The kids on the bench made this team for a reason and that is too fill in when they are called upon, and do as much as possible not the bare minimum.

This year, I have had to swallow all sorts of discrepancies and underachieving straight across the board!

Lee, April was a complete mess and ya cleaned it up a bit out there, but the lack of consistency is hurting more than Sosa’s feelings did when we got rid of him for YOU.

Theriot, what happened to being the only guy hitting above .300? That’s really what we count on you for when it comes to offense. Now we’re lucky to get a string of multiple games out of you.

Soto, you had to see this coming. No excuses period. You have less than 15 days to figure things out and get your mojo back END OF STORY!

Soriano, you literally fell off the boat and are now wading around wondering what happened but guess what? So are we. You’re leadoff for a simple reason, and you’re dropping the ball, sometimes literally.

Stop trying to change your batting stance, it worked fine all last year and worked fine in the beginning of this year—if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. We should also talk about that little half-hop you have going on there with fly balls. This isn’t Dancing with the Stars this is baseball, so knock it off and play to your ability.

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