10 Surefire Ways To Spice Up The MLB All-Star Game

Give me a reason to watch the MLB All-Star Game.

Seriously, I want a reason.

I want to care about it, but right now I just don't.

I feel like I should watch it, though. Baseball is America's pastime, and (as a sports fan) it's almost required viewing.

But there's just nothing really interesting about it.

I'll probably watch the Home Run Derby and maybe flip between the All-Star Game and reruns of Family Guy, but there is nothing there to really keep me interested.

However, I have some ideas that could potentially change that.

What if Major League Baseball added a couple more events (like the NBA All-Star Game) and made some fun changes to the main event?

Here are 10 Surefire Ways to Spice Up the MLB All-Star Game.

The All-Pitcher Game

Let's start things off with the All-Pitcher Game.

How about a six-inning game where pitchers play all the positions?

The NL team would have a huge advantage, especially with sluggers like Carlos Zambrano. But you know there are guys in the AL who have been itching to take some cuts.

To make sure that things aren't too hard, we'll get a random third baseman that pitched in high school to pitch in the game.

The actual pitchers would play all of the other positions.

I would love to see Tim Lincecum knock in an RBI double, or Mariano Rivera and Jonathan Papelbon team up for a double play.

The Steroid Game

Steroids in baseball aren't going away.

Instead of trying to fix everything or sweep it all under the rug, why not embrace it?

Let's play a game pitting players who have admitted to or have been suspected of using steroids against players that are almost certainly clean.

You could have the A-Rods and Mannys on one team against the Derek Jeters and David Ecksteins.

The only problem might be finding enough players who haven't been suspected of using steroids to field an entire team.

It would be perfect.

America loves to root for the underdog and against steroid users. This way they could do both at the same time.

Position Switching

On to the main event.

Each player would start out in their original position, but every inning, with the exception of pitchers, they all had to switch positions.

Tell me that wouldn't be awesome.

David Wright would be behind the plate catching, and Albert Pujols would be covering ground at short. It would add a different dimension to the game.

Routine ground balls wouldn't be so routine anymore. They would be an adventure as we get to see Joe Mauer field a bouncer to third.

Post-Inning Shots

To keep the game competitive, the winning team must all take shots of Wild Turkey after each inning.

It may not be much at first, but imagine protecting a lead heading into the ninth when your whole team has taken about seven shots to the face at that point.

Pitchers may have to be exempt from this rule too.

We wouldn't want a walk-fest.

I guess that's why we need to have the All-Pitcher Game, so they can have some fun too.

Also, people complain that the All-Star Game doesn't work as well because the players don't have camaraderie.

What better way to bond than over a bunch of shots?

Throwback Equipment

You know how cool it is when Major League Baseball breaks out the really old throwback uniforms?

Why not take it a step further and have them play with all throwback stuff?

They can use old baseball gloves and everything.

Just go totally 1920s on everyone.

Except that black players would be able to play. That wouldn't be cool at all.

I'm looking at you, Deep South.

I heard that.

Mandatory Beanings

Want to make the game more competitive?

Institute a mandatory beaning rule. By the fourth inning, each team is required to peg one opposing player, or they forfeit a run.

Nothing makes a team play harder than when one of their own gets hit. It could even spark a retaliation war.

Announcers may condemn that behavior, but we as fans love it.

We pretend to be civilized, but really we want blood.

Corked Bats and Juiced Balls

I'm tired of 5-3 All-Star Game scores.

I can see a 5-3 baseball game anytime. With the NBA All-Star Game, you know you're at least seeing both teams hit the 150 mark.

So let's do everything we can to make this a high-scoring affair. Let's cork the bats, juice the balls, play every All-Star Game at Coors Field—whatever it takes.

I want to see scores so high that pitchers will need at least a month of therapy to get over the game.

I want to see so many home runs that even Barry Bonds goes, "That's just not fair."

The Money Ball

Tired of long pitch counts and lengthy at-bats?

No more with the money ball.

For the All-Star Game, the first pitch to each batter will be the money ball, and any home run hit off that pitch will count for two runs.

Players will be swinging away much earlier, which will cut down on the time of the game too.

In fact, Major League Baseball should think about having this for all of their games.

Radar Gun Everything

I love seeing how fast pitchers are throwing. I love it so much that I want this technology to be included in everything.

Show me how fast players' bat speed is. Show me how fast Ichiro is going when he steals second base.

In fact, take a cue from NASCAR and have little bubbles over each player telling me how fast they are going at any given time.

The more excessive, the better.

I want it to be like when you bought a label maker and labeled everything in your house, even the label maker.

Was that just me?

Oh well, bring on the radar guns!

Sexy Umps

I think this speaks for itself.