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I Know Arsenal Won't Buy Him, But Still I Will Suggest: Christopher Samba

BOLTON, UNITED KINGDOM - JANUARY 13:  Christopher Samba of Blackburn Rovers celebrates after scoring the equalizing goal during the Barclays Premier League match between Bolton Wanderers and Blackburn Rovers at the Reebok Stadium on January 13, 2008 in Bolton, England.  (Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images)
Eddy HironoCorrespondent IJuly 28, 2016

I was invited to write an article as part of the series created by Deepak Israni, and as soon as I agreed to write the article, the first name that popped into my mind was Christopher Samba, the giant Blackburn defender.

 

Christopher Samba: Fact-File

  • Age: 25
  • Position: Centre-back / Emergency Striker
  • Current Club: Blackburn
  • National Team: Congo
  • Species: Monster

 

Christopher Samba is a brute of a defender, whose sole aim in life is to leave opposition strikers begging for mercy when they play against him.

Standing at 2.87 metres tall and bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his "Terminator" days, he is so tough that even regular bullies like Kevin Davies and Emile Heskey have been reported to have crapped in their pants at the mention of his name.

It has also often been rumoured that the real reason for Duncan Ferguson's retirement and Cristiano Ronaldo's move to Spain was to avoid Christopher Samba.

His influence is not just limited to England.

It is so great that even the regular "Samba boys" from Brazil, have re-invented their playing style and are now focusing on heading, tackling and leaving strikers crumpled on the floor.

All this, just so they can live up to the great name of "Samba".

Alright, enough of the exaggeration.

His real height is 1.93m, and while that is already rather tall, he complements it with good timing, and also a fantastic desire to get to the ball ahead of the striker. His strength is frankly quite astounding too, and all these attributes mean that he is an absolute monster in the air.

And what does Arsenal need? Yes, an absolute monster in the air.

Arsene Wenger conceded that William Gallas and Kolo Toure did not form a good defensive partnership, not because they are poor defenders, but because they simply lacked aerial presence.

If Arsenal signed Samba, he could be paired with a pacy defender like Kolo Toure, to form a fantastic defensive partnership in the mould of Vidic and Ferdinand, or Skrtel and Carragher.

 

Christopher Samba to Arsenal: Pros and Cons

Pros:

  • Good timing in the tackle
  • Massive presence in the air
  • Great determination to beat the striker to the ball
  • Great determination to beat the striker
  • Very professional, willing to play emergency striker when Allardyce called for it
  • Plays for Blackburn, so would be relatively easier to tempt him over to the Emirates
  • Monstrous

Cons:

  • Can be a little slow on the turn
  • Can't pass to save his life
  • Might accidentally flatten Theo Walcott and Carlos Vela during training
  • Might scare Manuel Almunia

 

Conclusion:

Christopher Samba is the answer to Arsenal's defensive problems. Big and strong, he would ensure that Arsenal fans will not see a game like the ones against Stoke and Wigan again. His continued presence in the league will also cause more and more stars to leave English shores, meaning Arsenal's opponents in the league will be weakened. He should definitely be snapped up by Arsene Wenger, although as mentioned in the title, "I know Arsenal won't buy him".

Pity.

 

This article and more can also be found at thetipsters, a website set up by my friend Roland and I.

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