Cristiano Ronaldo and the 10 Strangest Football Adverts

Ryan Bailey@ryanjaybaileyFeatured ColumnistAugust 7, 2014

Cristiano Ronaldo and the 10 Strangest Football Adverts

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    Cristiano Ronaldo isn't short of cash, but the Real Madrid superstar has recently taken the decision to promote an incredibly absurd "Facial Fitness" device in Japan. 

    The commercial is so peculiar that it looks like a parody, but it appears to be a genuine product.

    Ronaldo has also shilled for a massage device from the same company that looks like a pair of...well, look for yourself

    The Portuguese forward's latest adverts have inspired our list of some of the most bizarre footballer endorsements... 

Manchester United's Tomato Juice Gulping

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    What's the best way to sell people tomato juice?

    According to Japan's equivalent of Don Draper, it's to have Manchester United players loudly gulp it down.

    This is harder to watch than the Red Devils' 2013/14 Premier League campaign. 

John Arne Riise and Morten Gamst Pedersen Get Autotuned

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    Norway gave the world A-ha, so it's only natural that their best footballers would try to sell stuff using their natural dulcet tones.

    In this Norwegian commercial for a fruit company, Morten Gamst Pedersen and John Arne Riise steer a youngster away from artificial sugars to natural ones with some Cher-style autotune singing.  

    We have no idea what they're singing, but it certainly does the trick.

Kevin Keegan and Henry Cooper's Shower Session

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    In the 1970s, heavyweight boxers liked to "splash it all over" in the name of Brut deodorant. In this clip, Henry Cooper was accompanied by Kevin Keegan. The pair participate in a peculiar cross-discipline training session before hitting the showers together and engaging in some cheeky towel play. 

    The best moment? Keegan's cheeky fist shaking as Cooper throws a towel at him.

    The former England star kept up his dedication to unorthodox adverts well into his management career, when he coached the Honey Monster at Wembley

Stuart Pearce's Daylight Assault

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    We all know the adverts with the rotund opera singer are extremely funny, so obviously Stuart Pearce jumped at the chance to appear in one in 2012.

    However, the Nottingham Forest manager's role is quite bizarre. He gets so incensed upon seeing the moustachioed man trying to convince a couple to be diligent about insuring a new vehicle that he boots someone else's football across a road and wallops the tenor.

    In essence, he steals someone's football and assaults a man in the street. They don't call him Psycho for nothing. 

Zinedine Zidane's Vision Quest

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    Zinedine Zidane isn't always the most respectful chap, but his behaviour in this French commercial for eyeglasses is pretty darn impolite.

    After walking into the store and trying on his new specs, Zizou proceeds to blast a ball around a room that contains lots of expensive glass, technical machinery and terrified employees.

    The millionaire and former Real Madrid Galactico then appears to leave without paying. 

Jimmy Bullard's 2 in 1

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    Jimmy Bullard is always game for a laugh, which is quite evident in this strange shampoo commercial.

    To celebrate 21 years of Wash & Go, the long-haired former Hull star helped recreate an advert from the 1980s. Bullard just about gets away with it, but they seem to be paying homage to an ad that really didn't warrant an update. 

Shinji Kagawa Takes on Some Samurais

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    In a season where David Moyes apparently forgot he existed, Shinji Kagawa was forced to get his football practise elsewhere.

    In a Japanese beer commercial that saw him magically transported to a football field full of samurais after opening his fridge looking for a cold one—it can happen to the best of us—Shinji scores a brilliant solo goal. 

    Then again, if a professional footballer wasn't able to score against a team of non-footballers wearing heavy armour, there might be some concerns. 

Wayne Rooney's Oscar-Worthy Acting

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    As Louis van Gaal will testify, Manchester United have a rather large amount of sponsors and commercial obligations. 

    In 2011, Ryan Giggs, Patrice Evra and Wayne Rooney featured in a promotion for a wine company. Giggs puts on a decent acting display (he seems to have real-life experience of acting to hide certain things), but the Oscar for Best Male Performance in a Poorly Conceived Alcohol Endorsement goes to Rooney, whose delivery is nothing short of majestic.

    How long did Rooney have to study his acting craft to get that chin rub at the end to appear so powerful? 

Venkys' Paltry Poultry Celebration

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    Nearly 12 years after Ian Wright embarrassed himself for the sake of chicken, Blackburn Rovers did exactly the same thing. 

    In a cheaply made shill for their unpopular Indian poultry overlords Venkys, Rovers players featured in a baffling scenario that saw them wolfing down seasoned chicken legs in the dressing room minutes before a game.

    The caption at the end of the ad says "Good for you," but consuming large amounts of chicken before a professional football match is surely anything but. 

Shinji Kagawa with His Dog and Porpoise Friends

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    Shinji Kagawa's third appearance on this list might be the most surreal 30 seconds ever committed to film.

    In a clip for Japanese telecommunications company SoftBank, Kagawa talks to a beluga whale (which is apparently his father) and a goalscoring dog (which, quite naturally, is actually Shinji's uncle). 

    We have no idea what's going on, but we definitely want some of what SoftBank are selling. 


    Find me on Twitter @RyanJayBailey.