The Premier League graciously returns to our television screens on Saturday; it almost makes you want to kiss a camera.
Filled with passion, madness, confusion and drama, England possesses the best reality television show known to man: The storylines abound without a football even being kicked.
Manchester City: Can they repeat?
Manchester United: Will they rise off the mat under the tutelage of Louis van Gaal?
Chelsea: Has Jose Mourinho's "little horse" transformed into a thoroughbred?
Liverpool: How will the Reds deal with no Luis Suarez and Champions League duties?
Southampton: Who is even playing?
Wondering questions could go on for months, but happily there are just two days left until answers start lending themselves available.
As most football enthusiasts would tell you, predictions are essentially impossible. If you could predict the future, there seems little point to watch the games. That said, we all like to test our knowledge and clairvoyant abilities on occasion, so you have stumbled on the right place should you be into these sort of mental exercises.
Over the next 380 Premier League games, spanning 38 rounds and 281 days, Bleacher Report is going to be your crystal ball—looking over the sublime landscape of top-flight English football and providing answers, whether win, lose or draw.