Fantasy Football Team Names: 10 Names to Get the Wheels Rolling
Football season is just around the corner, meaning everyone with a sense of worth in this world is slamming their face on a keyboard trying to think of a creative and funny team name.
I've decided to help you out a bit with a list of team names that made me chuckle. Some are good, some are cheesy, and whether or not you use them isn't the point.
The point is to get the wheels rolling. Browse through these ideas, take what works and mold it to your own specifications. This is a safe place, and I encourage you to leave your own ideas for team name in the comments. We'll work on them. We have the technology.
Remember: It's a new year. We can do better than "Cutler's Last Stand," we just have to try.
Message in a Bortle
Blake Bortles' name is a gift from the football gods, and we as fans would be remiss if we didn't put the full might of our mental resources into mining it for fantasy gold.
"Message in a Bortle" is a stupid, silly moniker, making it a strong candidate for fantasy football. Your team name needs to get inside your opponent's head, and nothing is more strangely consuming than saying the word "Bortle."
I challenge each and every one of you to come up with your own iterations of Blake Bortles' name (or Bort Blakles). I eagerly await your contributions.
Dallas Criers Club
They're not the most creative souls, but Dallas Cowboys haters are people, too. And they need to have their angst known.
Instead of dusting off an old Tony Romo jibe name, you could go with a handy moniker I find works as a fine substitute for AT&T Stadium.
Or you could just go with "Romosexuals" for the fifth-year running and drop your toaster in the tub.
Bacarri & Cola
HE GETS THE JOB DONE!
Bacarri Rambo plays for the Washington Redskins. He's a good football player, but that's absolutely secondary to the fact that his name is practically "Bacardi Killstuff."
Use his name, Redskins fans. To do anything else would be to squander a golden opportunity.
Tears of a Clowney
Zac Stacy's Mom's Got It Going on
You might need to shorten it to "Zac Stacy's Mom," but unless you're playing with teenagers high on that Molly water, everyone should get the reference.*
There's also a "Fountains of Reggie Wayne" team name to be found here, if you're really into this stuff.
*All due respect to Mrs. Stacy, who likely does have it going on.
Salute Cecil Shorts
Early '90s Nickelodeon reference, anyone? No?
We'll move on.
I'd apologize for "Weird Alshon," but it would be a hollow, disingenuous tune.
I have no regrets regarding this terrible Photoshop, as you should have no regrets if you're a Chicago Bears fan with a flair for parodies and fade routes. Embrace the weird.
The Barkevious B.I.G.
You can also go with "Mingo Ate My Baby," because you really can't lose with a name like Barkevious Mingo.
If you haven't seen bofa, you wouldn't know anything about Drew Brees' fantasy football team.
Orange Is the New Sack
I picture this one pairing up nicely with an image of Terrance "Potroast" Knighton sitting on a quarterback but feel free to do your own thing.
Let's talk weird team names on Twitter.