The Greatest Salmon Impersonators in Football

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I know what you're thinking. What does football have to do with salmon? What could a migratory fish possibly have to do with the beautiful game, other than as a crude metaphor for player transfers?

And let's be totally honest here, fish in general don't have feet to even play football with. This is particularly noticeable in Salmon, whom have fins.

So what do Salmon have that is coveted by the greatest of all football players? One thing is their steely determination, their drive to reach the hardest of places, to fight against the (literal) mainstream.

But this is just the mental talent. As we all know, whilst mind games etc have some effect on the game, football is a game of the physical kind.

There must be a bigger, more fruitful reason some of the highest paid people in the world seek to imitate the deceptively lowly salmon, surely?

And that, my friends, brings us to the fabled "salmon jumping"....

Lionel Messi

What's that you say? Why have I just put another picture of a salmon on this slide under the heading of Lionel Messi?

I'm afraid your eyes are playing tricks on you. This is actually a picture of Lionel Messi, NOT a salmon.

In the Champions League final against Manchester United last May, Messi, perhaps the greatest player in the world, leapt from the ground with such height and power that a tiny 5ft 7inch 21-year-old should not physically be capable of doing. He even managed to score too.

Footballing experts were shocked, until it became apparent that Messi had been training for hours the previous day by watching Discovery channel documentaries on salmon migratory habits.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Those football experts, however, have short memory. For in fact, one year previously, in the 2008 Champions League final, Cristiano Ronaldo achieved a similar feat to Messi.

Ronaldo managed to jump the height of a car and nod the ball into the back of the net. At first, people thought he only managed to head the ball because his ego was so big, giving Ronaldo a larger head to knock the ball with.

Closer examination revealed that he did in fact perform the now infamous "Salmon leap".

Tim Cahill

Amazingly, there are some players that execute "salmon springs" week-in, week-out.

One of these players is Tim Cahill. His abundant use of this technique makes one wonder if he grew legs and lungs after a life of migration from salt water to fresh water (Australia to Milwall, or vice-versa).

Cícero

Quite possibly the greater salmon impersonator to ever walk (?) the earth, Cicero can be shown here performing what can only be described as the "complete salmon".

His technique is perfect, notice how he his arms are tucked in for maximum aerodynamic efficiency. His hands are slightly bent to act as "fins" that provide minor mid-air calibration. His legs are straight and together, functioning as a makeshift tail.

Perhaps the real triumph of Cícero is the fact he can warp his face to look EXACTLY like a salmon (a point I cannot emphasize enough), which is well known to have evolved in such a way to improve leaping effiectiveness by over 33%.

A true master of salmon masquerading.