WWE vs. Ring of Honor at WrestleMania XXVI

It's the battle of two punk rock wannabes who just can't seem to stay (or get) on top.

McGuinness is what Miz looked like he was going to be before John Cena wizzled all over his momentum. Physically, you can mistake these guys for the same person and that's understandable, after all they're both going for the whole "Arm Candy for a Girl on 'The Hills' Theme."

McGuinness is far more accomplished, but that doesn't mean Miz is any less of a competitor either. Both of them are full of themselves, think they're awesome, are God's gift to women, and would make great top heels in any promotion.

Danielson doesn't get the win here just because he's far more accomplished. He also gets it because I'm convinced WWE wouldn't give Miz a win over Randy Savage.

With all respect to Tara, Cheerleader Melissa, and Maryse, these two women are the hands down best women wrestlers in the business. Mickie and MsChif are both excellent in promos and really connect with the crowd, be it face, heel, sex object, or otherwise.

Who wins here?

The W goes to Mickie. Not only does she deserve a WrestleMania win after the past few years of complete garbage she's been dragged through, but she's a more fun victor than the slightly demonic MsChif.

Besides that, MsChif has a history of willingly losing to talent in the interest of a more compelling product. Combine that with her apparent unwillingness to work with WWE and Mickie is the natural winner.

Besides, she's super-ultra cute.

In an old-school "Nation vs. Nation" battle, the Tag match features two of the Indy scene's best against the best pedigree in wrestling.

I can't pick a winner here, though I lean towards the Hart foundation.

The Werewolves would be bigger faces going against the foreigners and frankly, wouldn't need a win the way two unproven FCW callups would.

Besides, Natalya needs motivation to get a belt of her own.

If you haven't seen Tyler Black yet, do so immediately. He's wrestled in just about every type of match out there, including a 60 minute match that wasn't even part of a WrestleMania.

Black is a little more bite and a little less bark, which is fine for a feud with Randy Orton who I'm still convinced took acting lessons from Raymond Babbit.

Orton is about as good worker as WWE has to offer and the length and heights their match could go to would be impressive, especially since they both have that never give up attitude.

Why does Tyler Black win? Beating Orton might prompt the Legend Killer to react in a way that turns one of wrestling's best workers to the most beloved face in a long time.

Despite being a few years younger, Austin Aries--like Edge--is already setting title reign records.

Both of them are capapble of matches that go all over and change pace at a moment's notice.

Why does Edge win? He's the Ultimate Opportunist so he'd probably find a way to sneak a win in there. Plus, I really wanted to use this picture since Lita still has it going on, even if ECW fans weren't lying when they said she has herpes.

Stephanie looks fat in this picture.

Danielson and Triple-H are two of the best workers in their promotions and both can make anyone look good...okay, maybe not Jeff Hardy.

Danielson should probably win here, but Trips hasn't had a WM win for a bit.

In a battle of two of the goofiest cats on the block, Rhett Titus and John Cena are perfect for each other. I can see the set up now:

Titus comes out and talks about how sexy he is and how great he is. Cena's entrance theme, or "lil bumper song", hits and he comes out talking about HLR and blindness and marines and all that other bullcrap nobody over the age of 10 gives about.

Titus knocks Cena down and makes him sniff his butt. Cena gets up and screams a lot, then rips off his shirt and says that Titus is a punk, but that he respects Titus for being bold.

I know none of that makes a lick of sense to those of us who are grown ass men and as such, would just run Titus down in our car if he did that to us, but to Cena and his 5th grade fan base there's some logic there...don't ask.

Who wins? To be honest, I only picked the picture of Titus because it's cooler than any of Cena's teenie bopper pictures. I don't care who wins this match, and neither does anybody else who knows a lick about wrestling.

For how different their career paths have been, Jerry Lynn and Shawn Michaels have a lot in common.

Both men are old. Both men are still more than capable of putting on a match you'll tell your local conspiracy theory obsessed gas station attendent about. Both men are compelling characters and both men will probably wrestle until they die.

Why does Lynn win? Realistically, Lynn isn't going to be remembered by the mainstream once his career closes. Michaels will go on to be inducted into just about every Hall of Fame imaginable. Lynn should get the win to have a career high and besides, Michaels is used to losing at WrestleMania anyway.

If anyone else wore eye liner, I'd break his legs out of spite.

Anyway, Generico and Undertaker about as electric as each promotion gets. Undertaker might clearly be getting up in age, but if WM XXV proved anything, it's that he can still bring it for at least one night.

Generico's moves would fit well with Undertaker's more brawling style and I'd love to see some of the more complex twists used to counter Undertaker's slams and chokes.

I can already see Genercio hitting the brainbustaaaaah going for the cover, only to have Undertaker sit up and get the win.

Yes, the Deadman wins again. I really wanted to find a way to justify saying that Generico would win because his costume rules.

That being said...nobody is streak worthy.

Oh yes! Oh yes! In a battle of excellent beards, Mike Knox faces off against the greatest up and comer in all of wrestling. The one and only future 20 time world champion and Professional Wrestling Hall of Famer: Grizzly Redwood.

I'm not being sarcastic when I say how great Grizzly is. Check him out on YouTube and on ROH. He rules.

Besides, the man eats pancakes slathered in manliness for all three meals per day. Redwood vs Knox is the classic David vs Goliath matchup and both of them are vastly underappreciated.

Redwood is like Mysterio without the stale ass act, and Knox is the future of big men.

In the end, Redwood wins because of his superior act, mic skills, wrestling ability, and all around aura of amazing. That and WWE wouldn't let Knox win a match anyway.

What have we learned?

First, we've learned that ROH has the talent to put on equal or better calliber shows than WWE right now.

Second, we've learned that this so called "fantasy" genre is a load of bullhonkey and should stop.

Third, we've learned that for a topic like "My Realistic Dream Card" the matches should at least feature two people with the same promotion who can...get this...actually wrestle.

And finally, we've learned that the Grizzly Redwood Revolution continues. Spread the ROH love and while you're at it, help push the Littlest Lumberjack to the top.

W2YMS!