On this lovely Wednesday morning, the NBA free agent season kicks off. And I'm not usually an angry guy, but I'm feeling especially ornery today, since it looks like my beloved Suns are going back to the drawing board.
So, to celebrate this day, let's take a look back at the Suns Hall of Shame—guys that if you saw them walking down the street, you should represent the purple and orange and kick them in the shins. Then run away.
And I apologize in advance if I ruin anyone's day. As Calvin says, nothing helps a bad mood than spreading it around.
Phoenix has always been a team in search of a big man, and Longley was supposed to be that man. We just didn't know he'd be the man to get injured by a scorpion and separate his shoulder bodysurfing. Thanks for nothing.
Continuing the ineffective big man theme, next up is John "Hot Rod" Williams. We traded away a guy who was the heart and soul of the franchise, Dan Majerle, for a tin man with no heart.
At least we got Majerle back in the end, but alas, a couple of years too late.
I love this photo because it sums up Marcus Banks nicely: getting burned by guys who can barely move.
Couldn't run the point.
Not only that, we signed this guy after trading away the rights to Rajon Rondo because we didn't want his rookie contract.
And the last kick in the groin, Banks was a part of the deal that sent hometown favorite Shawn Marion out of town. Moving Marion was as much about getting rid of Banks and his ridiculous contract.
You may not remember Randy Livingston, but I'll bet Tom Gugliotta's knees do. Signed to a monster free agent deal out of panic from losing Antonio McDyess (more on that later), Googs was our frontcourt hope until Livingston fell over, taking Goog's knees with him.
Googs was never the same, and after a near death experience, he was eventually traded in a salary dump to the Jazz for...yeah, I don't remember either.
Here's what I remember about Penny's tenure with the Suns:
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch and moan.
Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me. We traded for this guy twice—the first time, he waffled back and forth before he spurning the Suns for the Nuggets, despite a contingent of Suns players trying desperately to meet with him.
The second time, the Suns picked him up in a salary dump from New York. He played well for us, then bolted as quickly as possible for the Pistons.
And now I hear he may join the Spurs.
If the image of Mario Elie in a Rockets uniform doesn't make you foam at the mouth a little bit, then you obviously didn't live through the kiss of death.
Mario gets a small bit of redemption for finishing his playing career with the Suns and filling in admirably for an injured Penny Hardaway.
Manu Ginobili is the only person on this list to never play for or have anything to do with the Suns, except beat our brains in year after year in the playoffs.
We've never had an answer for Manu, not even Raja Bell. So Suns fans, if you see him, please kick him in the shins. Hard.
It's kind of hard to believe that Robert Horry once wore a Suns uni.
I always remembered him for literally throwing in the towel on the Suns—into Danny Ainge's face.
It's kind of hard to believe that I could hate him more, but now I'll always remember him for his lower than low-class hip check of Steve Nash in the 2007 playoffs.
They should make urinal cakes with his face on it at US Airways arena.
It's hard to believe that there's anyone that could top Cheap Shot Rob on this list.
But Robert Sarver, you're it.
Just off the top of my head, let me assign blame to you for the following:
Trying to out-moron Mark Cuban by dunking off a trampoline.
Joe Johnson in a Hawks uni.
Luol Deng/Andre Iguodala.
Shawn Marion in a Heat, then Raptors uni.
Bryan Colangelo running the Raptors.
Trading Kurt Thomas along with two No. 1 picks, the second one coming in 2010.
Trading Shaq for two lukewarm basketball bodies.
If there's a unifying theme to all of the items above, it's MONEY.
If there's anything a fan hates, it's being lied to. Just admit you're cheap. Stop pretending to want to field a competitive team. Just shut up until you sell the team.
It's gonna be a long year.