Introducing the All-Athlete Fight Club

Who wouldn’t watch a battle involving two of the most athletic and powerful women in the world? And this isn’t some lingerie/pillow fight/softcore porn fight, we’re talking about (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I want gloves, mouth guards, and two sisters launching hammers at each other’s faces.

I think Serena’s got the power advantage, especially in the lower body, but Venus has a four-inch height advantage, which should help her control the spacing with her jab.

This is our historical match for the card, pitting a 27-year-old Taylor (year he won the 1986 MVP with 20.5 sacks) against a 28-year-old Dick Butkus (1970, the year he graced the cover of Sports Illustrated with the caption “The Most Feared Man in the Game”).

On the field, these are two of the greatest linebackers of all time. Butkus was named to eight Pro Bowls in nine years, had both his college and pro numbers retired, and had the college award for best linebacker named in his honor.

Taylor was named to the Pro Bowl in each of his first 10 years in the league and is considered one of the first great pass-rushing linebackers in the history of the league.

Both men are the same height and roughly the same build (Butkus with a slight weight advantage). And since the AAFL doesn’t drug test, there’s no issue with LT very likely coming into the fight on a two-day, coke-and-hooker binge.

Sometimes you just need some crazy in your life—and both of these guys bring it in spades.

Artest takes his style from a rough upbringing in New York: "It was so competitive, they broke a leg from a table and they threw it, it went right through his heart and he died right on the court. So I'm accustomed to playing basketball really rough."

When Rodman was three, his father deserted his family and went on to eventually father 27 children from four different women. (Take that, Travis Henry and Shawn Kemp!) Between high school and junior college, Rodman was an overnight janitor at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport.

Artest was famously involved in the 2004 brawl with Pistons fans while a member of the Pacers. You all know the story: rushed the stands, kicked some ass, came back on the court, kicked some ass, suspended for the rest of the season.

Rodman once head-butted a referee and kicked a cameraman in the groin.

Artest once attended a practice with the Indiana Pacers in a bathrobe and was suspended for two games after allegedly requesting a month off because he was tired from promoting an R&B album.

Rodman wore a wedding dress to a book signing for his autobiography.

The two have combined for three Defensive Player of the Year Awards (two Rodman, one Artest) and nine selections to the NBA All-Defensive team (seven Rodman, two Artest).

If we could somehow convince these two to hate each other, this could easily be fight of the night.

This comes under the humor banner in the same way that it was funny to watch Canseco get beat by the 7'2" Korean guy. Sometimes it’s not the quality of the fight that makes it a great watch. Sometimes all it takes is a villain getting his ass handed to him.

Leaf certainly qualifies as the villain, and Smith, after beating up Ken Lucas during training camp last year, has certainly shown the fighting chops to get the job done.

Think of it this way: How much would you pay to see the 5'9" Smith take on and likely smash the 6'5" Leaf?

$10? $20? $30?

Depending on how many drinks I’ve had, I would probably go to about $50 to see this happen.

And now for the main event...

You want to talk grudge matches, you have to start with Canseco-McGwire.

In 1997, as part of his pursuit of 61 with Sammy Sosa, McGwire became one of the most beloved players in the game, right up there with Cal Ripken, Tony Gwynn, and Kirby Puckett. But when Canseco released Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big, that all changed.

Canseco charged in the book that he personally injected McGwire with steroids. Not long thereafter, McGwire was called before Congress and uttered perhaps the most damaging sentence of any athlete in history: “I’m not here to talk about the past.”

With that, McGwire was permanently etched in the history of baseball as a cheat. Never mind the 583 homers, 1,414 RBI, and 12 All-Star selections. It’s all tainted, and he will never regain his good name.

Think he might want to punch Canseco in the face?

That, dear friends, is entirely up to you. I can’t put in individual polls on each slide (or at least I don’t know how to), so just leave the who and how in the comments section. Majority wins. And I'm keeping records, so don't screw it up.

Also, if you have any ideas for future fights, throw those out there, too. I’m especially looking for hockey experts. Time to put those bad boys in the cage.