The Chicago White Sox have lost starting pitcher and part-time space shuttle Bartolo Colon.
Sources say they saw him at a taco stand in Charlotte where he is supposed to be making a rehab start for the White Sox Triple-A team. Others say they saw him at a hot dog stand in Chicago. Others say they could swear they saw him rolling down a hill. Look in your streets; he may still be rolling.
Colon is listed at 5'10'', 245 lbs (Yeah, in his bra). Sources also say Clayton Richard's struggles of late have been due to being responsible for Colon's portion of the buffet before and after games.
"I just can't do it," Richard said while holding back the tears. "He is a fat, fat man."
"And good lord is he ugly," Richard added, for no apparent reason.
Colon has gone 3-6 with a 4.23 ERA in 11 games for the White Sox this season. The White Sox put Colon on the 15-day disabled list on Jun. 9 for inflammation in his left knee.
Colon is presumed missing and hungry. Police are in search for Colon armed with chicken wings and ranch.