The 5 Most Punchable EPL Football Players of Recent Seasons

We all feel it at some point in our lives. A feral, primal rage deep from within that burns at our soul and instigates a desire to inflict GBH to the face of an over-paid, arrogant, despicable sportsman.

They are never wrong, they never foul, they never dive, they are never offside. They are never at fault.

The referees, the linesman, their team mates, the opposition, the mascot, the pitch. These are the ones that make mistakes.

But never themselves.

Here is my list of the EPL'S most punchable players from last season. Apologies for any offence.....

5) David Di Michele

I'm not going to lie. There is only one reason Di Michele makes the list.

THAT dive.

West Ham vs Liverpool

Picture the scene:

West Ham are losing 2-0 to Liverpool. Di Michele is one-on-one with Reina. He tries to take it past the Spaniard but kicks it a bit too far. Realizing that he has no hope of regaining the ball and scoring, he promptly dives to the floor in an overly cinematic style.

Reina, to his credit, tried to talk Di Michele out of his protests,realizing that what the Italian was expecting was entirely absurd. Di Michele contined to shout and raise his arms though. Fortunately justice was served and he was carded for his theatrics.

And let's not forget the illegal betting he dabbled in whilst playing in Italy.

4) Jermaine Pennant

Fortunately I don't need to worry about any kind of legal backlash from Jermaine Pennant over this. That's because he is completely illiterate.

But that's not the reason he is in this list. No. In fact, to be fair to him, he hasn't really done anything this last season to warrant being on the list.

But if we go back a few years, I'm sure we can find reason enough to throw our fists into his not-so-literate noggin.

In 2005, Mr. Pennant crashed his Mercedes into a lampost. If that wasn't bad enough, he was under the influence at the time. Wait, there's more: He was uninsured. Whoops. And he was serving a sixteen month driving ban.

Yes, I know, what an imbecile.

Did I also mention, when questioned by police, he gave the name of his friend, Ashley Cole. Now I'm not a fan of Mr. A Cole, but I think that was a bit harsh. Also it's not like the police wouldn't find out he was lying.

Thankfully, justice was served once again, and he was sent to prison for 90 days. He served 30, and was released on parole, where he had to wear an electronic tag at all time. And yes, that includes whilst playing on the pitch. O, the humilation.

#3 Craig Bellamy

Let's not beat around the bush here. Mr Bellamy is a grade-A twat. This slide pretty much writes itself. I will try and condense it using bullet points:

1. In 2004, he threw a chair at his first team coach.

2. He sent his ex-teammate Alan Shearer abusive text messages after Newcastle lost to Manchester United in the FA cup semi-final. Tad unnecessary methinks.

3.Allegedly assualted a woman in a bar in Cardiff.

4. Whilst training in Portugal with Liverpool, he attacked teammate John Arne Riise with a golf club.

5. Most recently, after losing to Finland 2-0 at home, he angrily told the post-match interviewer that Finland were a "poor side" and that he ""Don't know how Johansson scored, I think he isn't good enough to score".

Ironic, considering Finland won the game, and Johansson has scored more national goals then Bellamy.

I would, however, advise against trying to punch Mr.Bellamy. Rumour has it he is always within 10 metres of a 9-iron.

#2 Joey Barton

The quintessential thug, Joey Barton is a particularly nasty piece of work, both on the pitch and off.

In May 2008 he was sentenced to six months in jail for common assault. In July of the same year, he was given a four months suspended sentence for actual bodily harm on a former teammate, Dabo.

Back in 2004, at a Manchester City Christmas party, Barton stubbed a cigar into the eye of reserve player Jamie Tandy, permanently scarring him. The following summer, he assaulted a 15-year-old Everton fan.

On the pitch, he was sent off in May 2009 for a two-footed tackle on Xabi Alonso, at a time when Newcastle desperately needed some points. They lost.

I'd say all of this makes him a particularly good choice for the punchable list. But be warned, even if you are only 15-years-old he will still try and beat you up. Keep your wits about you.

#1 Didier Drogba

Numero uno in this list is none other than Drogba. In fairness to him, off the pitch he is a lot less violent and controversial when compared to the previous three players.

But on the pitch, this man is an utter disgrace. His best skill on the pitch is his uncanny ability to throw all his toys out of his pram with great speed and power.

Let's start from his introduction into the premiership...

Drogba's somewhat liberal interpretations of footballing rules has led to many incidents of dubious behavious on his part. In a match against Manchester City, he was clearly seen to score a goal after handling the ball.

A week later, he did exactly the same thing.

In 2008, he managed to knock a tooth out of Vidic's mouth after elbowing him, similar to an incident between them in 2006. Now, some credit must be given because not many people would try and pick a fight with Vidic, and I certainly would not want to be on his bad side.

Apparently, Drogba was not frightened of the scary-looking Serbian, and a few months later in the Champions League final he slapped Vidic in the dying minutes of extra time.

Let us not forget his rant against the Norwegian referee Tom Ovrebo and the cameraman after the CL semi-final loss to Barcelona. Drogba is also perhaps the most prolfic diver in the English Premier league right now.

Given all this, I have rated Drogba as the most infamous and punchable footballer in the EPL. He just get's on my ***s. He lacks sportsmanship and I doubt he could ever play an honest season. Occasionaly he says nice things, but those are normally about himself.

Honourable Mentions

C Ronaldo:

I didn't include him in the list because not only would it be far to easy to have a go at him, but also because I hear that he smashes windows on people that irritate him.

Joe Kinnear

I didn't include JFK because given he is not a player. He is also in a bad spot right now and I suspect anyone punching him would result in another heart attack. And I can't bring myself to detest a man that can find a way to fit so many F-bombs into an interview. Seriously, that takes skill.

Ashley Cole

Do I even need to type anything? He was very close to getting in the list, but I choose Pennant instead, because he is funnier.

I'm sure there are many, many more players we could all think up to put in this list. Athough I do hope no one takes this too seriously...