Steelers And Penguins Done: Surviving the Dog Days of Pittsburgh Sports

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Give yourself an even bigger bonus point for players no longer with the team that really stunk.  So, popular jerseys, like Ben Roethlisberger or Sidney Crosby, are only worth a couple points.  But, less popular players, like Mitch Berger or Hal Gill, net you a real windfall.

I was at Kennywood amusement park the other day and saw somebody wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers' Kordell Stewart jersey.  That was 100 points right there! 

At first, I thought he was wearing Santonio Holmes, which would have only netted about ten points.  But, nope.  The name "Stewart" was sewn proudly across the top of the back of the jersey.  Jackpot! 

I also saw a Zarley Zalapski Penguins' jersey recently.  That's also got to be good for at least fifty points.

Can anyone top those?

5.  Watch the highlight videos of the teams' championship runs.  The Steelers' Super Bowl XLIII video was good. 

After all, it was the best Super Bowl ever, far better than last year's installment of the greatest Super Bowl ever when that team never to be mentioned, sort of like the evil Lord Voldemort of Harry Potter fame, was unceremoniously beaten by the Giants.

But, it can't top the XL video.  Why?  Because the XL video was narrated by Magnum PI (aka Tom Selleck).  And nobody in the history of television was cooler than Magnum.

4.  Download the first two seasons of the television show "Chuck" off iTunes and watch them straight through.

Besides being one of the best television shows of all time, one of the episodes features a prominent guest appearance by none other than Jerome Bettis, playing a street smart con-man of a salesman at the local Buy Mart.

And, if you are also a Giants' fan, if such a thing is possible while being a Steelers fan (I think not, but, then again, they did beat that team never to be mentioned by name), Michael Strahan also makes a great cameo appearance.

3.  Did you know Pittsburgh has a women's football team?  And a really good one at that.  They beat the Connecticut Crushers this year 76-0.  Now that is what I call dominating the opposition. 

They followed that up by beating the Philadelphia Firebirds 53-0.  Now any team that batters a Philadelphia squad is alright in my book. 

They won the championship in 2007.  The did just lose in the playoffs this year to the D.C. Divas on June 27.  But, that's OK.  Chances are, you didn't even know this team existed.  

So, you have plenty of times before the Steelers' season starts to read all about them.  You can even become a groupie or a "special fan," also known as a stalker, if you really want. 

But, in looking at pictures of some of the linemen, becoming a "special fan" is probably not a great, or safe, idea.

2.  Follow the rising boxing career of Pittsburgh junior welterweight boxer Paul Spadofora.  He just knocked out Argentine boxer Ivan Bustos on June 24 as he seeks to return to the top of his division .

Spadofora has posted a 42-0-1 record...so this guy is nobody's punching bag.

Spadafora's nickname is "The Pittsburgh Kid" and he is a former IBF world lightweight champion.

In reading his troubled history, this guy is not going to win any Mr. Congeniality awards any time soon.  But, he obviously knows how to turn it on in the ring.

You can also search for secret meanings in the numerous cryptic tattoos that cover his body. 

1.  Read every NFL power rankings posted on Bleacher Report and various other sites between now and the start of next season. 

They'll all say essentially the same things which can be boiled down to, "The Steelers and that team that shall not be mentioned rock and boy will the Browns and Lions really stink." 

Or something like that.  Of course, the power rankings written by Eagles' fans will have the Eagles at the top.  And the power rankings written by the Ravens' fans will have the Ravens at the top.  And the power rankings written by Lion's fans will have the Lions in the 28th spot, four above the bottom.  Team inflation can only go so far. 

And power rankings written by the Browns' fans will have the Browns....hmmm... Wait...I'm not sure there are any Browns' fans left to write power rankings after last season.

Other than that, they'll all say essentially the same thing.

Bonus:  You can start getting protest signs ready for the upcoming G-20 conference in Pittsburgh.  If you think the G-20 is the latest Honda sports car, then stop reading here.  You are smarter for not knowing.

So, what should you protest?  How about demeaning the City of Champions with such an inconsequential event.  That's as good of a start as anything.

So, there you have it.  Here are 11 things you can do to get through these dog days of summer, also known as the dark ages, when the Steelers and the Penguins are doing a whole lot of nothing. 

And who knows?  Maybe the Pirates will get hot and bring a third championship to Pittsburgh.  Stranger things have happened.  Okay, maybe not.

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