How Hollywood Would Ruin Our Favorite Sports Movies

With dozens of big name colleges jockeying for Jimmy Chitwood, small Indiana Tech tries a hail mary by hiring Norman Dale. Jimmy then holds a dramatic press conference where he declares, "Where Coach goes, I go."

Suddenly, Dale finds himself with a weak supporting cast and a battle for supremacy between Jimmy and the team's former best player, Tommy.

Early in the year they get demolished by Indiana, but Dale's coaching skills help Indiana Tech improve over the course of the season, although Jimmy and Tommy are still at each others throats.

Meanwhile, Jimmy meets a girl named Shannon, who slowly starts to pull his focus away from basketball and even introduces him to drugs. Although Jimmy still carries the team as a star, there are tell-tale signs that there is trouble, culminating in Jimmy collapsing in the conference finals.

Coach Dale has to help Jimmy and get his team back on track before dissension tears them all apart, all in time for the game against No. 1 seed Indiana in the NCAA tournament.

Jimmy breaks up with Shannon right before the game and proceeds to play the game of his life, backed up by teammates who finally learned to believe in themselves. With Dale pulling out the ol' "Four passes before a shot" offense, Indiana can't figure out how to defend such a complex system.

Still, it all comes down to the final shot. Trailing by one with ten seconds to go, Dale draws up a play for Jimmy who amazingly defers to Tommy, saying "Coach, he'll make it."

Tommy hits the shot and Indiana Tech pulls off the upset of the century. The movie closes with Coach Dale watching the celebration and saying to himself, "We're the real Hoosiers."

After his memorable final game for Notre Dame, Rudy Ruettiger gets asked to stay on with the team as an assistant coach. Meanwhile, the Fighting Irish recruit the No. 1 player in the nation, wide receiver Evan Thompson, who is long on talent, but short on heart.

Coasting by on his abilities, Evan doesn't get along with anyone on the team and constantly lets his ego get in the way of his play. During one practice he storms off the field because his number wasn't getting called often enough. Rudy tries to talk to him, but Evan dismisses him because he was "just a scrub."

Then Evan gets in a car accident that almost ruins his career. No one comes to visit him in the hospital, except for Rudy. He expounds upon Evan the importance of heart and the honor of playing for Notre Dame.

Evan starts the process of winning his teammates back, culminating in a final game in which he throws a monstrous block that leads to the game-winning touchdown. Although his teammate is the one that gets carried off the field, Evan gets the game ball and is named captain for the next year.

A montage at the end shows that Evan became a two-time All-American and enjoyed a successful fictional NFL career.

After his home run record breaking season in the minors, Crash actually gets a call up to The Show. However, Annie refuses to move with him and they break up. Crash enjoys a successful stint and surprising fame before a knee injury forces him back to the Durham Bulls. There he hopes to rehab quick enough for one last shot in the majors.

However, when he comes back he finds that Annie has moved on and is already doing her usual thing, "mentoring" another hot prospect for the ball club. Crash tries to focus only on baseball, but finds that he can't stay away from Annie and decides to try to win her back.

After he finally does get her back, Crash gets the news that he has gotten called up once again to the major leagues. Annie asks him not to leave, but he does anyway. Once his plane lands, he realizes that he made the wrong decision and immediately flies back where he and Annie reconcile. He becomes the coach of the Durham Bulls and Annie gets named GM.

And Hollywood successfully turns our favorite sport/chick flick into a full blown chick flick.

Five years after the first movie, Herman Boone is still coaching the Titans, who have become the most feared high school team in the nation. But Coach Boone makes waves by naming Sheryl Yoast as his starting quarterback.

Yes, the precocious daughter of Boone's assistant coach had spent her childhood forsaking Barbies for spirals and has become a great quarterback. Obviously, the team is none to happy with having a girl on the team, much less one starting at quarterback.

An internal battle erupts between Sheryl and the team, made even more complicated by the fact that Sheryl is secretly dating the team's star wide receiver. Once this fact comes out, she is also accused at playing favorites.

Once again, Boone has to stop his team from discriminating against each other and bring them together to continue their winning ways.

In the final game, a player from the other team intentionally tries to injure Sheryl with a late hit. The Titans realize that they have to look out for one another and they fight back and win another state championship.

After Ray's zombie cornfield become a national phenomenon, other people start doing the same thing and building baseball fields on their farm. Soon, other teams from the past start popping up and a league is formed to pit the teams against each other in a way to see once and for all who was the greatest team of all time.

Ray assumes the managerial position for the Black Sox and soon the fame and pressure gets to his head. He starts dressing in suits and slicks his hair back in a Gordon Gecko/Emilio Estevez in Mighty Ducks 2 kind of way and begins to alienate the team and his family.

After the team loses an important game, Ray blows up and tears down the field. Then he gets a visit from his old friend Terence Mann, who helps ease Ray's pain this time by helping him remember that it's all about the love of the game.

Ray works around the clock and builds a new field just in time for the big game. His team emerges and he gives an impassioned apology speech and they go out and win. Then Ray's dad comes out of the cornfield one last time to tell his son how proud he is of him.

Bring a tissue box to this one fellas.

In this prequel, we get to see Billy Hoyle as a young man, played by Grayson "The Professor" Boucher". Always a wise-talking hustler, Billy ends up conning a group of guys in front of a college coach who convinces Billy to come play for him.

Once there, Billy is mocked by his teammates for being a streetballer, and not a real player. After losing a game by throwing an unnecessary behind the back pass out of bounds, Billy quits the team and goes back to conning players on the street.

Billy's coach, played by Forest Whitaker, comes back for him. He convinces Billy that deception is easy, but facing yourself and your challenges honestly is what makes you a man. Billy realizes that he needs to come back to prove to himself that he can do it.

In a climactic final game (is there any other way in Hollywood?) Billy wins his teammates over by playing the right way and keeping them in the game with his stellar play.

Then, down by one, Billy steals the ball in the final seconds and races down the court for the winning basket. He rises up to dunk, but doesn't get high enough and gets stuffed by the front of the rim.

They lose the game and Billy goes back to being a hustler with a need to prove to others, and himself, that he can dunk.

Caddyshack 2 returns to the exclusive but crazy country club golf course seen in the original Caddyshack. This time it's the blue-bloods against the blue collars as a loud, vulgar self-made millionaire tries to join the stuffy upper-crust club after his daughter falls in love with the son of one of the members.

Naturally, the boisterous millionaire is rejected by the genteel jerks. He retaliates by buying the golf course and turning it into an ultra-tacky amusement park.

Merry mayhem ensues, but in the end, the snobs learn a valuable lesson, the millionaire gets to join, and his daughter and her lover are finally united.

Oh wait... this is an actual movie that Hollywood made.

Please don't let this happen again.