Earlier tonight I went out for an evening out with a female companion (I mean, have you seen me? It's what I do.). Anyway, we were strolling along the riverfront, trying to decide which club we would venture into. We turned left onto a street that I was unfamiliar with.
A chill came over us and I held my date close. Behind us came a crashing noise but when we turned to investigate nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Once we about-faced we were shocked to see a lady in shawls sitting behind a small round table in the middle sidewalk.
"What the...Where the hell did you come from?" I demanded.
"My name," the lady said eerily, "is Madame Guinevere. Would you care to have your fortunes told?"
"Um...."
"Of course you do. I am a psychic, I have already seen the future. Sit down, sit down."
She gestured for us to have a seat across from her.
My date and I looked at each other and seemingly both thought, what the heck? We took our seats.
"Well," Madame Guinevere began, "this date is not going to amount to anything, allow me to just say that from now. She will end up clingy and say she loves you after two more dates."
I threw a puzzled look at my date.
"That's a lie!" snapped my date.
"Hmm, you know what, here." I pulled out a $20 bill. "This should be enough to get you home. No need for us to continue this date."
After much huffing and bewildered looks, my date stormed off into the night.
"So, what is it that you would like to know?" asked the psychic.
"Well, I've got a really pertinent question. I write for this great web site called Bleacher Report. Of course, you already know that. What I want to know is, what does the future hold for some of the wrestling writers on B/R?"
"Ah, yes, Bleacher Report," he said, "I know it well. Very excellent web site. Lots of good writers there. So the future you say, well...
Adrian Staehle will write an article on every single professional wrestler to ever step foot in a ring and he will do all of this within a six-day span.
Ryan Michael will walk into Peyton Manning and Randy Orton in an Indianapolis mall. They tell him he can hang out with one of them and must choose right then and there. Unable to choose, Ryan goes mad.
Svyato attempts to start his own promotion but all of his wrestlers ask for their release before the first show.
Justin Thomas will guest star on Hannah Montana. The show gets cancelled after his episode airs.
Matthew Hester finds another job where he actually works. He is no longer able to produce three articles per day between the hours of nine and five.
AkD broke the Guinness World Record for longest distance chasing a celebrity. Shelton Benjamin posed alongside him for the picture.
Wrestling Uncovered finally showed himself.
Ross retired from Bleacher Report and no one noticed he left.
Celeste returned and declared the whole User Terminated thing was a joke. Everyone had since moved on and no longer cared.
Chedda Bob ended up in the hospital after trying to cook beef with some hayta.
Josh Swell submitted an article to the New York Times titled "The Top 10 Bargain Basement Stores That Will Have Me Model for Them."
Andrea Claire gets Edge to the altar. Before they could exchange vows, Edge realizes he can't become champion by marrying Ms. Claire and calls it off. This engagement was WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
Adam Testa began pledging his allegiance to the WWE and posted a picture of him and Linda McMahon on his profile.
Demetrus Stokes finally got to meet Angelina Love. She was on the other side of the courtroom when she filed harassment charges on the radio show host.
Daris Brown was also taken to court. His constant claim of being Mr. Wikipedia was contested by the actual Wikipedia web site. He lost the case and thus lost control of HTR.
Sulayman grew an identity crisis after the constant switching of his profile picture.
Scott Beeby left Australia and became a huge fan of American football.
Kevin Canny had his name legally changed to Bret Sergeant Hart.
Vitamin D discovered he's lactose intolerant.
Jason Le Blanc began spending his Christmases in Alabama with Joe Burgett.
Dub Sizzle works at a church where he helps teenagers deal with their anger issues. One of the teens mention that they heard Elijah Burke is better than Kofi Kingston. Dub proceeds to punch the kid in the face.
Jev Thorpe begins to do a prediction piece for every thing there is. His latest piece dealt with how many articles Adrian Staehle will post on people's bulletin boards. Adrian exceeded all of the predictions.
Joe Burgett traveled to San Francisco to wash Zander's car, mow his lawn, and walk his dog in hopes to finally get an Article of the Day. No dice.
Ray, Krut, and M are wanted by the F.B.I. Due to the trio, this song has been outlawed.
"That is all I am seeing, my crystal ball is clouded at the moment," Madame Guinevere stated.
I stood up. "But, did I ever get to meet Maryse?"
"I can't see until the ball clears up. But perhaps you need a reality check if you think you'll get Maryse."
That crashing sound occurred again. I turned to look and saw nothing. When I turned back to the psychic, I saw myself standing on a deserted street.
Shane Howard is a member of the Hit The Ropes Radio Show team. Tune in to HTR this and every Wednesday from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. EST. Be sure to add HTR's Web site to your favorites, YouTube us, add us on Myspace, follow us on Twitter, and join the Facebook group. Be sure to check out HTR this week as we present the first ever Ropey Awards and welcome RoH's Cary Silken.
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