Right, before we get any further, here are some of the reviews I received when sending this article out to all the major newspapers in the UK.
"Hahaha! Is this guy for real?"—The Times
"Writing an article about himself; Yoosof Farah is the true definition of egotistical."—The Guardian
"So bad it's not even worth reviewing."—The Daily Telegraph
"Utterly pointless. Why is he wasting article space writing about some birthday wishes and that quite frankly, no gives a s**t about? Yoosof Farah - what a joke!"—The Daily Mail (don't worry, they're just xenophobic).
And a personal favourite of mine: "He maybe half-Irish, half-Iranian, but Yoosof Farah is certainly fully rubbish when it comes to writing."—My mother
Anyway, today is my birthday, and "just for lols" as it were, here is a round-up of everything I would love to happen in the coming year of sports.
Football
I'll get straight to the point. I love Gillingham FC, Manchester United and FC Barcelona.
In the 2009-10 season, I want Manchester United to win an unprecedented quadruple of trophies, and I want FC Barcelona to win everything there is to be won in Spain.
And as for Gillingham FC, I don't really care how we do in the coming season, as long as we sign that guy from my FIFA Manager '08 game called JOHN SMITH (has to be in capitals for some reason) for a world-record transfer fee of £120m.
Formula One
It's the greatest car chase in the world, and I love it. Is it weird that I get up at 5 a.m. on a Saturday morning so I can catch all the build-up before qualifying?
Anyway... I HOPE FERNANDO ALONSO CRASHES IN HIS RENAULT AND DIES!!!!
Actually, I might take that one back. But I want Jenson Button to win the WDC this year, with Rubens Barrichello in second, and Brawn GP to take the Constructors' Championship.
Also, if Force India could actually get a point, then... just wow! I'm speechless at the thought of it.
Tennis
What's the attraction of watching two people hit a ball back and forth to each other? Well, if we're talking about Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic...
But in all seriousness, tennis is a great sport, and again, I love it (especially the women's tennis, because, ummm... they're very talented players, of course).
For the rest of this season, I'd love to see the permanently miserable, "I'M SCOTTISH NOT ENGLISH!" Andy Murray win the US Open.
And as for next year, if Rafael "The Matador" Nadal could take the lot, then great! Although I'll still settle for Roger Federer, officially the greatest of them all.
Cricket
Please England, just win The Ashes...
And as for Kent CCC, just let Joe Denly do the business...
Rugby Union
I can't think of anything worse than Rugby League, but anyway, that's not the point.
If Ireland can retain their Six Nations title, then brilliant! And if Iran, yes Iran, can be taken seriously in the world of rugby, then even better!
Boxing
Amir Khan: "I'll be Britain's best."
Hahahahahaha! Hahaha! Haha! Ha! Oh I've just laughed too hard... I would love to see Amir Khan become the best boxer in Britain!
But I have got two words for him: as if.
NFL
Sorry, "football" (meant to be read in that stereotypical American accent) to you guys over the pond.
Bring your Super Bowl to England please. In any case, go Steelers!
Snail Racing
Apart from my burning desire to become a professional snail race trainer, I hope Heikki can retain his world title at the World Snail Racing Championships this month.
Don't lie, you loved reading this article really. Thanks for reading, and I guarantee you will not read a better article anywhere else for at least the next 0.36312 seconds.
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