My 2009 Dream Derby

The Home Run Derby rosters were already announced, but they got it wrong. Here’s who it should be, not in any particular order. And here are some home run calls much better than whatever gibberish Berman comes up with this year.

Watch that baby... Outtttta here!
-Harry Kalas

Forget it!
-Vin Scully

It could be, it might be... It is, A home run!
-Harry Caray

Manny Ramirez

Because otherwise ESPN won’t watch.

Micah Owings

If they let him take a couple of hacks he’d probably pitch for free. Recession busted!

Alex Rodriguez

The Home Run Derby is just for fun, so no pressure right?

David Ortiz

It should help his confidence if he sees some pitching he can catch up to.

Josh Hamilton

Last year he hit like a million homers too early and got tired. This time around he’s craftily avoided mid-season fatigue with liberal use of the DL.

Matt Stairs

NLCS Game 4.

Milton Bradley

Because he will argue balls and strikes.

Joe Mauer

Every Home Run Derby needs the token line drive hitter who doesn‘t know what he‘s doing there.

Barry Bonds

About 30 teams could still use him, Hi haters!

Chase Utley

What’s a nice family event like the Home Run Derby without some profanity?

LeBron James

I’m realistic, he probably can’t play pro baseball… but the derby? Come on, the guy weighs 265 easy.

Albert Pujols

Because it’s in St. Louis, and that’s the ONLY reason.

Anybody from the Pirates

Doesn't everybody need to send someone? Wait? That’s just the All-Star game? Phew, that was close.