30 Things Twitter Taught Us About Athletes Last Month
Twitter is often dismissed as a toxic cyber wasteland where manners and intelligence go to die, which is ridiculous. It’s not that Twitter isn’t that, because it is, it’s that Twitter isn’t just that.
Believe it or not, under that mountain of disinformation, stunningly mean insults and other various forms of trollery (which is now a word), there’s actually some worthwhile treasures hidden away.
Twitter has brought fans and athletes closer than either God or nature ever intended. These guys used to take the stage maybe a couple of times a week, but today, they never leave it. And it’s fair to say that some of them are better performers than others.
On Twitter, it’s true that not all athlete follows are created equal, but they all provide us with an interesting learning experience that would’ve been unfathomable a decade ago. So it’s time to celebrate that knowledge.
Here are 30 interesting (some more than others) things Twitter taught us about athletes in the last month.
Brandon Rush Thinks Jason Kidd Was the First Coach Ever Traded
- @RBush_25: Coaches can be traded now crazy
Utah Jazz guard Brandon Rush was apparently caught off guard by Brooklyn Nets coach Jason Kidd being traded to the Milwaukee Bucks. Not because of the situation or anything, but because apparently it was the first time it had ever happened...ever.
Jabari Price Sees You, Cavs Fans!
- @JayPrice04: This must be the time where Cleveland fans stitch back up the Lebron jerseys.
Minnesota Vikings rookie cornerback Jabari Price made a simplistically hilarious comment about the suddenly forgivable nature of Cleveland Cavaliers fans.
I see you, Jabari!
Swin Cash Sees You Too!
- @SwinCash: I really need Cav fans to relax and let Bron make his decision. Getting your hopes up & he decides to stay is going to make y’all crazy again
WNBA superstar Swin Cash, who plays for the Atlanta Dream, took a different approach with the LeBron James commentary than that of Jabari Price. Instead of ribbing Cavs fans about their newfound ability to forgive and forget, she warned them against investing too much too soon in the man who ripped out their hearts four years ago.
Roman Harper Knows A LOT of Cliches
- @Harp41: Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you handle it.
- @Harp41: Life is like photography - develop from the negatives.
- @Harp41: Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be part of.
- @Harp41: Play like a champion. Train like an underdog.
- @Harp41: Don’t go through life, grow through life.
Carolina Panthers safety Roman Harper must have a book of these things, because he tweets a new one almost every day. He’s not a particularly interesting follow on Twitter, but geez, he’s an upbeat fella!
Carl Landry Does Yoga...Hot Yoga
- @CarlLandry: First Hot Yoga Class Today… #Rehab #GrindTime
Sacramento Kings forward Carl Landry’s definition of “grind” might be a little bit different than some of his peers. Just a guess.
JJ Watt Is Open to New Things, Vocabulary Wise
- @JJWatt: “Y’all” has officially been fully integrated into my vocabulary.
Oh, JJ Watt, is there anything you can’t do?
Bernie Kosar Appreciates a Little Word Play
- @BernieKosarQB: How about How the heat effect The Heat last Nite
Former Cleveland Browns quarterback Bernie Kosar’s joke was a little obvious, but at least he’s in good spirits. How about that capitalization, though? Random as hell.
Sloane Stephens Prefers You Be Real with Her
- @sloanetweets: Why be fake when being real takes no effort?
Tennis player Sloan Stephens counts herself among the inordinate number of athletes and reality TV stars that are overly focused on “real(ness)” versus “fake(ness)”—or whatever it is, exactly, they perceive as such.
Of course, her definition of “real” probably differs greatly from that of those Jersey Shore kids. Then again, who the hell knows?
Shane Vereen Is Reassigning Established Nicknames Willy-Nilly
- @ShaneVereen34: Messi is the truth
On one hand, New England Patriots running back Shane Vereen is right about soccer superstar Lionel Messi. On the other hand, so is Paul Pierce, and he was The Truth first. Just ask Shaq.
Josh Huestis Is Sick of the Heat Flopping Too
- @jhuestis: And the oscar for best performance goes to… Dwayne wade
Oklahoma City Thunder rookie Josh Huestis has gotten right down to business in the NBA. It must be pretty surreal for him—it won’t be long before he can insult Dwyane Wade for flopping right to his face!
Brandon Spikes Drops Wisdom Bombs
- @BrandonSpikes51: Never fool with snakes !
Much like the great Samuel L. Jackson in the cinematic masterpiece known as Snakes on a Plane, Buffalo Bills linebacker Brandon Spikes has some concerns when it comes to snakes.
Joakim Noah’s Metaphors Cut Like a Knife
- @JoakimNoah: You can put lipstick on a pig but at the end of the day… Your still a pig
Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah recently posted this overused metaphor, leading many of his followers to wonder if he was just speaking extemporaneously or if he had a specific pig in mind. Even during the offseason, this is a guy who can put asses in the seats.
Sammy Watkins Can See into Your Soul, Buffalo
- @sammywatkins: I study the fans I study there hearts
Bills rookie wide receiver Sammy Watkins isn’t just embracing fans in his new city, he’s also studying their circulatory systems. He probably didn’t mean it to be as creepy as it sounded, though.
Candice Wiggins Uses Derrick Rose as a Verb
- @candicewiggins: I had to Derrick Rose the knee up before I got the re-up…
WNBA player Candice Wiggins, who plays guard for the Los Angeles Sparks, recently “Derek Rose(d)” her knee (it wasn’t a full D-Rose though, because she’s only out four to six weeks and not forever) and was apparently rewarded with a new contract. So it’s ain’t all bad.
Hat tip to Drake for her inspiration.
Le'Veon Bell Wonders About the Grammatical Classification of Love
- @L_Bell26: Love……..is that a noun or a verb?
Well, Pittsburgh Steelers running back Le’Veon Bell, it’s actually a noun and a verb. You’re welcome.
Draymond Green Doesn’t Have Much Faith in Humanity
- @Money23Green: So I’m about to sit on this floor in the airport and stretch… I wonder how crazy will these people look at me
Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green is either really sensitive to the gaze of strangers or he does some really insane stretches.
Seriously, though, airports are pretty crazy places. Stretching in the waiting area doesn’t even register on the scale of crazy.
Chris Kluwe Thinks Soccer Is...Silly
- @ChrisWarcraft: Idea to make soccer more interesting - If someone takes a dive, they are then forced to actually suffer that injury.
- @ChrisWarcraft: Some dude is clapping American flag color boxing gloves together in the stands. That’s pretty much all you need to know about the World Cup.
- @ChrisWarcraft: Judging by my timeline, apparently the Germans bombed Pearl harbor but then the Portuguese saved us? Communist kickball is confusing.
Former NFL punter-turned-epically hilarious tweeter Chris Kluwe didn’t embrace the spirit of the World Cup with the same vigor and optimism as many other athletes seemed to, but at least he watched!
And say what you will about his (delightful) cynicism, just don’t lie and say you don’t agree with him about the punishment for diving.
Darnell Dockett Started from the Bottom Now He Here
- @ddockett: Rich people have a lot of fun….. Like a whole lot of fun
- @ddockett: Long way from the projects….. I ain’t going back….
Speaking of "real" versus "fake," Arizona Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett can always be counted on to keep it real on Twitter.
Marissa Coleman Is Just Like Us
- @MarissaC_25: Watching this O.J. Simpson documentary. I’ve always been fascinated by this case. Seriously, how did he get acquitted?!?
Join the club, girl. Join. The. Club.
Nick Young Will Turn This Car Around If You Kids Don’t Stop!
- @NickSwagyPYoung: No more Swaggy p this my last tweet see y’all in mid July.
That was in mid-June. He lasted less than four days.
Tre Boston Makes Personal Decisions by Public Committee
- @TreBos10: I need help what do people these days want for there birthdays
- @TreBos10: Alright Another Question What should I be wanting for my birthday? Lol
Panthers rookie strong safety Tre Boston sure knows how to take the fun out of birthday presents. Never take a poll on Twitter unless you’re looking for who can say the most needlessly mean thing to you for no apparent reason.
You: “What should I want for my birthday?”
Twitter: “CANCER! LOOOOOOLZ!”
Jordan Hamilton Is Not Impressed by the ‘Hot Convict’
- @J_Goin_HAM: So you mean to tell me our society has come down to the Hash Tag “#FelonCrushFriday” smh
Houston Rockets forward Jordan Hamilton, like so many others, is not a big fan of Jeremy Meeks, the "hot convict" whose dreamy mugshot made him a viral sensation. Who knew gangsters were so polarizing?
Adrian Clayborn Comes to a Harsh Realization
- @AJaClay: I don’t even know what’s in style anymore [sad/dejected-face emoji]
Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive end Adrian Clayborn recently turned 26, which is right around the time a lot of us begin to recognize we’re not kids anymore. He’s still pretty young, though.
Come talk to me in a few years when you don’t know the band on the radio and all the street names for drugs have changed.
Jose Canseco Can’t Drive 55, Can Solve the World’s Greatest Mysteries
- @JoseCanseco: Why does indiana have 55mph speed limti. Driving me crazy
- @JoseCanseco: Aliens from other planets do not exist.it is only us from the future.
Retired and proudly juiced former slugger Jose Canseco feels the pain of one Sammy Hagar. The rest of us feel the pain in our brains from Canseco’s casually definitive stance on the whole alien thing.
Monica Wright’s God Seems a Little Mean
- @monnie22: Whatever we do (big or small deeds) w/o trusting, seeking and waiting upon God is done in the flesh and is impossible to please God.
- @monnie22: W/fear and trembling we must rely upon God for guidance in the inner septs and walk according to the Spirit.
- @monnie22: God’s ppl should persistently acknowledge their own unworthiness and incompetency.
- @monnie22: Never attempt to execute God’s command in self-reliance, it is birthed from the flesh and impossible to please God.
- @monnie22: For he who sows to his own flesh (lower nature, sensuality) will from the flesh reap decay and ruin and destruction…
Monica Wright of the WNBA’s Minnesota Lynx is obviously a God-fearing woman, which is good, because her God is really scary. He’s like a violent, unpredictable father and a mother you can never satisfy all rolled into one omnipotent malcontent.
Martellus Bennett Is a Deep Thinker
- @MartysaurusRex: Do we truly know if a goldfish has a short attention span? They just might not be that interested in you tapping on the glass. Lol
Chicago Bears tight end Martellus Bennett made us think and laugh with that one—no wonder the guy wrote a book that’s being published this fall.
Andy Roddick Has LeBron Free Agency Fatigue
- @andyroddick: I’m first to confirm that LeBron James ate food last night …..
Retired tennis player Andy Roddick is sarcastically sick of all the LeBron James free agency “news.” It’s reached such a fever pitch that ESPN has probably been pumping him for information about his sources.
Troy Polamalu Can Deliver a Diss
- @tpolamalu: Looks like we’ll still be the only ones with 6 World Fútbol Championships
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu is known for being a lion on the football field and a lamb off of it, but he recently showed a different side of himself, taking the opportunity to kick Brazil while they were down. And it was brutal.
Chandler Parsons Watches TV That Makes Him Question Himself
- @ChandlerParsons: Am I really watching a Hot Dog eating contest?
Chandler Parsons recently found himself asking a version of the question we have all asked ourselves at one time or another—some of us every night.
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix Is a Breath of Fresh Air
- @haha_cd6: I didn’t know Florida had a problem with gay marriage. #letpeoplelive
Over the last couple of seasons, NFL players have made more than a few headlines by publicly expressing their distaste for gay people. That’s what makes Green Bay Packers rookie safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix’s tweet such a welcome change of pace.
Live and let live is such an underrated philosophy about life.
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