I’m not necessarily saying Braden Looper is housing an alien life form beneath his skin or that he was Vincent D’Onofrio’s stunt double in Men in Black, but both seem likely. Today the Edgar Suit that is Braden Looper slithers his unfortunate looking body to the mound to face off against Chicago’s Rich Harden (if he doesn’t somehow injure himself from breathing or eating a light snack before the game) in a July 4th matchup.
Looper (American) is 6-4 with a 4.90 ERA coming into today’s game. Harden is 5-4, but Canadian. I don’t think I’m exaggerating in saying Milwaukee must dominate today, or else the terrorists somehow win.