Mmmm…the sweet tang of palm gravy.
A young Houston Astros fan received a five-finger wake-up call on Thursday night after taking his tongue to a souvenir baseball.
Older fans in a nearby section passed the ball to the young man in the hopes it would make his little day—which it did, in a weird, compulsive way.
The child grabbed the ball, retreated to his seat and promptly began licking it like an owl with a lollipop.
Of course, the sight of the youngster using a baseball like a palate-cleansing sorbet didn’t sit well with his presumed big sister next to him. Wasting no time, she gave him a light slap on the cheek—just to remind him other people live in this reality, and he’s making it weird.
Granted, this licking incident appears to be an uncontrollable compulsion in this young man’s life. His tongue was blue-black at the time of the licking, likely from punishing Popsicles all day. This baseball lick was his version of stepping off a treadmill and walking around involuntarily.
Congratulations, kid. I’ve seen some strange things, but I’ve never seen anyone taste a baseball like a fine vintage. That takes marbles.
On the Twitters.