MLB's All-Terrible Team

Use your ← → (arrow) keys to browse more stories
MLB's All-Terrible Team
(Photo by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images)

This is the time of year everyone is arguing over who should be an All-Star and who should not.   

However, we must not forget those who have ruined our fantasy teams, crushed our playoff hopes and generally made friends of ours say, "I told you so."  They are the members of the All-Terrible team. 

Keep in mind, these are players who were expected to be good, but are having terrible years—not just bad players who are always bad. 

Injured players either this year or last year are not included.  If a player has played 50 games this year and was not hurt last year, they are eligible. 

For example, although having played terrible, Josh Hamilton would not be included for his monster season last year and his bad start this year because he only played 24 games.
      
The worst players deserve just as much publicity as the best players...so we can laugh at them.   


Catcher

What Happened to You?

Dioner Navarro (.212 BA, 4 HR, 21 RBI, 23 R, .241 OBP)
2008 Version (.295 BA, 7 HR, 54 RBI, 43 R, .349 OBP)

Russell Martin (.246 BA, 1 HR, 21 RBI, 30 R, .366 OBP, 7 SB)
2008 Version (.280 BA, 13 HR, 69 RBI, 87 R, .385 OBP, 18 SB)

The Cream of the Crap

Geovany Soto (.231 BA, 7 HR, 24 RBI, 18 R, .340 OBP)
2008 Version (.285 BA, 23 HR, 86 RBI, 66 R, .364 OBP)

Soto is probably seeing double due to hallucinogens.


First Base

What Happened to You?

Aubrey Huff (.275 BA, 10 HR, 52 RBI, 33 R, .342 OBP)
2008 Version (.304 BA, 32 HR, 108 RBI, 96 R, .360 OBP)

Casey Kotchman (.271 BA, 2 HR, 28 RBI, 17 R, .328 OBP)
2008 Version (.272 BA, 14 HR, 74 RBI, 65 R, .328 OBP)

Mike Jacobs (.229 BA, 10 HR, 27 RBI, 24 R, .310 OBP)
2008 Version (.247 BA, 32 HR, 93 RBI, 67 R, .299 OBP)

The Cream of the Crap

Jason Giambi (.197 BA, 10 HR, 38 RBI, 35 R, .339 OBP)
2008 Version (.247 BA, 32 HR, 96 RBI, 68 R, .373 OBP)

I gave Giambi the Crap Trophy based on him being a bigger name than Mike Jacobs, but it was a very close race.

DH Cream of the Crap

David Ortiz (.225 BA, 8 HR, 36 RBI, 29 R, .321 OBP)
2008 Version (.264 BA, 23 HR, 89 RBI, 74 R, .369 OBP)

Smiling is not a stat in baseball. 


Second Base

What Happened to You?

Dustin Pedroia (.289 BA, 2 HR, 34 RBI, 55 R, .370 OBP, 14 SB)
2008 Version (.326 BA, 17 HR, 83 RBI, 118 R, .376 OBP, 20 SB)

The Cream of the Crap

Kelly Johnson (.216 BA, 5 HR, 20 RBI, 33 R, .288 OBP, 4 SB)
2008 Version (.287 BA, 12 HR, 69 RBI, 86 R, .349 OBP, 11 SB)

I know I will get in a lot of trouble for putting Pedroia the Almighty on this list, but second base was an extremely hard place to find underachievers, and Pedroia has clearly fallen off a bit from his MVP season last year. 

Pedroia is a great player, but we will one day look back and laugh at the fact he won an MVP award over Kevin Youkilis, Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, and Carlos Quentin. 


Shortstop

What Happened to You?

Stephen Drew (.251 BA, 5 HR, 31 RBI, 30 R, .313 OBP)
2008 Version (.291 BA, 21 HR, 67 RBI, 91 R, .333 OBP)

Orlando Cabrera (.247 BA, 2 HR, 25 RBI, 30 R, .290 OBP, 4 SB)
2008 Version (.281 BA, 8 HR, 57 RBI, 93 R, .334 OBP, 19 SB)

The Cream of the Crap

Jimmy Rollins (.207 BA, 6 HR, 27 RBI, 41 R, .250 OBP, 10 SB)
2008 Version (.277 BA, 11 HR, 59 RBI, 76 R, .349 OBP, 47 SB)

Fantasy baseball owners everywhere continue to pray for the 2007 Jimmy Rollins to return. That year he batted .296 with 30 home runs and 41 stolen bases.  Where'd you go, Jimmy?  We miss you so.


Third Base 

What Happened to You?

Jhonny Peralta (.262 BA, 4 HR, 33 RBI, 25 R, .340 OBP)
2008 Version (.276 BA, 23 HR, 89 RBI, 104 R, .331 OBP)

Adrian Beltre (.259 BA, 5 HR, 31 RBI, 36 R, .291 OBP)
2008 Version (.266 BA, 25 HR, 77 RBI, 74 R, .327 OBP)

Garrett Atkins (.227 BA, 6 HR, 25 RBI, 23 R, .301 OBP)
2008 Version (.286 BA, 21 HR, 99 RBI, 86 R, .328 OBP)

Ty Wigginton (.266 BA, 5 HR, 21 RBI, 15 R, .305 OBP)
2008 Version (.285 BA, 23 HR, 58 RBI, 50 R, .350 OBP)

Melvin Mora (.266 BA, 2 HR, 22 RBI, 18 R, .326 OBP)
2008 Version (.285 BA, 23 HR, 104 RBI, 77 R, .342 OBP)

The Cream of the Crap

Alex Rodriguez (.233 BA, 12 HR, 39 RBI, 24 R, .399 OBP, 2 SB)
2008 Version (.302 BA, 35 HR, 103 RBI, 104 R, .392 OBP, 18 SB)

What was he eating for breakfast in 2008?  Oh yeah, steroids. 


Outfield

What Happened to You?

Alfonso Soriano (.230 BA, 14 HR, 32 RBI, 47 R, .296 OBP, 7 SB)
2008 Version (.280 BA, 29 HR, 75 RBI, 76 R, .344 OBP, 19 SB)

Ryan Ludwick (.233 BA, 11 HR, 38 RBI, 25 R, .302 OBP)
2008 Version (.299 BA, 37 HR, 113 RBI, 104 R, .375 OBP)

Grady Sizemore (.223 BA, 10 HR, 39 RBI, 32 R, .311 OBP, 7 SB)
2008 Version (.268 BA, 33 HR, 90 RBI, 101 R, .375 OBP, 38 SB)

Matt Holliday (.273 BA, 8 HR, 40 RBI, 38 R, .369 OBP, 9 SB)
2008 Version (.321 BA, 25 HR, 88 RBI, 107 R, .409 OBP, 28 SB)

Chris Young (.197 BA, 6 HR, 18 RBI, 28 R, .278 OBP, 11 SB)
2008 Version (.248 BA, 22 HR, 85 RBI, 85 R, .315 OBP, 14 SB)

Rick Ankiel (.236 BA, 5 HR, 21 RBI, 29 R, .296 OBP)
2008 Version (.264 BA, 25 HR, 71 RBI, 65 R, .337 OBP)

Magglio Ordonez (.264 BA, 3 HR, 24 RBI, 29 R, .335 OBP)
2008 Version (.317 BA, 21 HR, 103 RBI, 72 R, .376 OBP)

Pat Burrell (.230 BA, 3 HR, 23 RBI, 17 R, .348 OBP)
2008 Version (.250 BA, 33 HR, 86 RBI, 74 R, .367 OBP)

The Cream of the Crap

Milton Bradley (.242 BA, 5 HR, 17 RBI, 24 R, .355 OBP)
2008 Version (.321 BA, 22 HR, 77 RBI, 78 R, .436 OBP)

Hold onto your Gatorade once Bradley is given his Crap Trophy.


Pitching

What Happened to You?

Jeremy Guthrie (6-7, 5.11 ERA, 57 K, 1.39 WHIP)
2008 Version (10-12, 3.63 ERA, 120 K, 1.23 WHIP)

Armando Galarraga (5-7, 5.34 ERA, 55 K, 1.58 WHIP)
2008 Version (13-7, 3.73 ERA, 126 K, 1.19 WHIP)

Ryan Dempster (4-5, 4.09 ERA, 80 K, 1.36 WHIP)
2008 Version (17-6, 2.96 ERA, 187 K, 1.21 WHIP)

Francisco Liriano in 16 games (4-8, 5.62 ERA, 80 K, 1.52 WHIP)
2008 Version in 14 games (6-4, 3.91 ERA, 67 K, 1.39 WHIP)

Jaimie Moyer (6-6, 6.05 ERA, 50 K, 1.51 WHIP)
2008 Version (16-7, 3.71 ERA, 123 K, 1.33 WHIP)

Andy Sonnanstine (6-7, 6.61 ERA, 50 K, 1.53 WHIP)
2008 Version (13-9, 4.38 ERA, 124 K, 1.29 WHIP)

Todd Wellemeyer (6-7, 5.68 ERA, 55 K, 1.70 WHIP)
2008 Version (13-9, 3.71 ERA, 134 K, 1.25 WHIP)

Rich Harden (5-4, 4.57 ERA, 76 K, 1.40 WHIP)
2008 Version (10-2, 2.07 ERA, 181 K, 1.06 WHIP)

The Cream of the Crap

Ricky Nolasco (5-6, 5.99 ERA, 70 K, 1.45 WHIP)
2008 Version (15-8, 3.52 ERA, 186 K, 1.10 WHIP)


Closers

What Happened to You?

Kerry Wood (2-3, 9 saves, 4 blown saves, 5.47 ERA, 30 K, 1.56 WHIP)
2008 Version (5-4, 34 saves, 6 blown saves, 3.26 ERA, 84 K, 1.09 WHIP)

Brad Ziegler (1-3, 6 saves, 1 blown save, 3.34 ERA, 24 K, 1.54 WHIP)
2008 Version (3-0, 11 saves, 2 blown saves, 1.06 ERA, 30 K, 1.16 WHIP)

Matt Lindstrom (2-1, 14 saves, 2 blown saves, 6.52 ERA, 26 K, 1.90 WHIP)
2008 Version (3-3, 5 saves, 1 blown save, 3.14 ERA, 43 K, 1.45 WHIP)

Carlos Marmol (2-1, 3 saves, 4 blown saves, 3.96 ERA, 39 K, 1.62 WHIP)
2008 Version (2-4, 7 saves, 2 blown saves, 2.68 ERA, 114 K, .93 WHIP)

The Cream of the Crap

Brad Lidge (14 saves, 6 blown saves, 7.57 ERA, 28 K, 1.94 WHIP)
2008 Version (41 saves, 0 blown saves, 1.95 ERA, 92 K, 1.23 WHIP)

Brad, you so crazy. 


There is your 2009 All-Terrible team. 

If I missed players who are ruining your fantasy teams, your real teams or just your lives in general, I'm sorry, I'm a terrible writer. 

Load More Stories

Follow B/R on Facebook

Out of Bounds

MLB

Subscribe Now

We will never share your email address

Thanks for signing up.