The 10 Best Dream Guest Voicemail Messages, Pt. 2
After the surprising positive reception for my original list and the several requests for me to do a second part, here it is!
Here is a link for the previous article: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/197510-the-10-best-dream-guest-voicemail-messages
If you don't wish to read that whole article right now (or ever), here is the brief introduction again:
"About two months ago, a man going by the name of Barnz from Fayetteville, AR sent an email to ESPN writer Bill Simmons about an encounter with Academy Award-winning actor Morgan Freeman. Freeman had just opened up a restaurant in the area called 'Pig 'N Whistle BBQ.'"
When he met Freeman, instead of asking for an autograph, he asked him to record a message for him on his voicemail.
Freeman obliged and the message goes like this, "This is actor Morgan Freeman, Barnz is away from his phone right now but leave a message and he will call you back, I hope...I hope."
Whether it's true or not, it's an absolutely awesome story and a brilliant idea. I'm not sure Morgan Freeman can be topped, but the voicemail idea is something I will try to remember in any future instances where I happen upon a celebrity.
It also got me thinking, who in sports could leave the best messages on someone's phone, and just how would they sound?
While the last one was limited to players or coaching still working, I tried to limit this one to players or coaches that are retired.
There were a lot of suggestions for the likes of Jim Mora, Dennis Green, and Rafael Palmeiro. While these would have been gold, I wanted to seem more original than to just take everyone else's ideas.
And here it is!
10. Joe Namath
"Joe Namath on Matt's phone. I can hear you breathing through the phone. I want to kiss you, I couldn't care less that Matt's not here right now."
9. Herman Edwards
"Herm Edwards here, unfortunately Matt's not here right now, so just leave a message, OK? He's not here! People aren’t used to this. Get over it! It happens. It’s called life. You can’t think you’re too big that it’s not going to happen to you. It happens to everybody."
8. Reggie Jackson
"The ability for you to leave this upcoming voicemail stems from me...Reggie Jackson. I'm the straw that stirs the drink, and the straw that tells you to leave a message after the beep. Matt would say it himself, but he can only say it bad."
7. Jim Schoenfeld
"Jim Schoenfeld here on Matt's phone. Matt's not here right now, so leave a message, unless you're calling to accuse him of pushing you! If not, then good, 'cause you fell, you fat pig! Have another doughnut! Have another doughnut!"
6. Shoeless Joe Jackson
"Shoeless Joe Jackson here on Matt's phone, he's not here right now. Ty Cobb wanted to record the message, but we advised Matt against it. None of us could stand the sonofabitch when we were alive, so we told him to stick it!"
5. Latrell Sprewell
"Latrell Sprewell here on Matt's phone, and I bet you're surprised. Well, forget you, I need the money. I have a family to feed."
4. John Madden
"If uh...If uh...If uhh...Matt has one voicemail message, and you leave him another voicemail message, ultimately what he's got is two voicemail messages on his phone. So leave one 'cause he's uhh...Not here right now."
3. Mark McGwire
"Mark McGwire here, Matt's not at his phone right now. Asking me or any other player to answer questions about whether this has happened before in front of television cameras will not solve the problem.
"If a player answers 'No', he simply will not be believed; if he answers 'Yes,' he risks public scorn and endless government investigations...My lawyers have advised me that I cannot answer these questions without jeopardizing Matt, my other friends, my family, and myself.
"I will say, however, that it remains a fact in this country that a man, any man, should be regarded as innocent unless proven guilty.
"I'm not here to talk about the past. I'm here to be positive about this subject."
2. Carl Everett
"Hey, this is Carl Everett. Matt's not here right now but you are more than welcome to leave a message after the beep, provided that you are not gay. If you are, I shall have to set you straight.
"Gays being gay is wrong. Two women can't produce a baby, two men can't produce a baby, so it's not how it's supposed to be...I don't believe in gay marriages. I don't believe in being gay."
1. Emmitt Smith
"Hey, this is Emmitt Smith. Matt's not here right now. Leave him a voice message if you must, but the idea that would you do that makes me question your caricature. I don't know the man so well, but I have seen him play hockey. In his last game the man committed three penalties alone!
"The last one comes in the third quarter when he got dragged down from behind on a breakaway by another man and he preceded to whack the dude in the leg with his own stick.
"It's your choice, I'm just sayin'."