Track and Field to Be Renamed Adult Gym

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Track and Field to Be Renamed Adult Gym
(Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images)

Twenty-five years ago Carl Lewis owned the ’84 Olympics. Actually, it might have been ’88, but stay with me.
 
Everyone in America knows these names: FloJo, Jackie Joyner Kersey, Mary Decker, Edwin Moses, and that weird guy from Russia who won like 300 straight pole vaults. Somehow, track and field has lost its way.
 
Drugs, other sports, doping, TV, and the fall of the importance of the Olympics have each played their part. Now, the governing body of Track and Field has decided to take a pro-active role by hiring a marketing firm to "re-brand" their sport.
 
As of 2010, track and field will now be called "Adult Gym." 
 
"We really feel this will make us more relatable to adults and kids. Every kid loves gym, and what adult wouldn’t love to back to the comic absurdity of gym class, opposed to working at his desk," said one official. 
 
The argument has merit. Many of track and field's main events are gym class staples:

  • the triple jump
  • long jump
  • the sprint
  • the 800

This reporter can’t believe they haven’t done this earlier.
 
And going forward, who wouldn’t like to see the pegboard, floor hockey, and dodgeball added to track events?  It would make them more interesting, and increase sponsorship potential.  
 
Way to go Adult Gym. I look forward to your next meet, where all of you have to wear the same outfit, including the reversible shirt.
 
For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out Daily Ball Breakers, breaking balls every day.

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