The Official Bleacher Report Handbook

(Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images)

Tennis Wonderland

Tennis section has the sweetest and the kindest people on B/R. They are helpful, sweet, positive, amazing people who really can never be rude and always give you support and...

Take advantage of them. Be merciless.

If you can't think of anything one day, a safe bet is to write an article titled "Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal: Settling Who's the Best, Once and for All!"

Cricket, yawn, yawn, yawn...

The funny thing about less popular sections on B/R is that you may get only four reads on an article, but the people there are so kind, you will get four POTDs, as well!

Yes. Only four or five people write articles there, and all of them read each other's articles and give each other POTDs.

So, if you want to bolster your ego, you know where to go!

Select the Best Photo

Photos are so important for an article. Don't screw up in that department.

If you can't find a good photo, the best and safest bet is always to search for "cheerleaders."

Like I have done here for this article. See? Practice what you preach.

Publicity

You think you write a good article and your job is done? Keep dreaming.

Post a link to your article on every damn bulletin board you find. Even if it drives them mad, even if your article is one-sport specific and may not be understood by casual readers, and even if you have never read the articles of that writer—does not matter.

Curious Case of Comments

Reply to every comment faithfully. Even if someone has said "you're welcome" to your "thank you," slap a smiley face, but comment!

Have a Gimmick

You must have a gimmick. It is your identity. You have many to choose from.

You can be a 35-year-old jobless, obese bum living in your parent's basement, but if you have the right profile picture, you can pose as "the arrogant SOB."

Then there are "simple Sams," the "friendly Franks," the "Weirdos who hit on every female writer on B/R," and the ever popular "Jerks."

The most popular gimmicks can be found in the wrestling community. If you are a precocious character, emulate your favorite WWE superstar.

Outside of the articles themselves, spell "right" as "ryte," "like" as "lyk," and speak as if you're a "gangsta." You may be afraid of a cockroach in real life, but, on the Internet, you are dangerous.

OK.

Had some laughs? I hope none of you are angry at me. If we can't laugh at ourselves, what's the use?

Bleacher Report is an amazing Web site with hundreds of talented writers—a community growing together, bonding together, and experiencing a wonderful journey together.

Keep the ridiculousness of this article away; this was just for fun.

Let us help and encourage the newcomers. Let us nurture each other's talent. Let us enjoy sports. Who's with me?

P.S.: I forgot one important point. Always end your article on a high emotional note. Especially if it is a humorous one, and even if it was a silly rant worth less than half a quid, make it look as if it really had a "serious message" embalmed in it for the entire community.

Disclaimer

This article was indeed a humor piece only. No one and nothing was directly or indirectly intended to be hurt, belittled, or disrespected.

I respect all writers and all communities. Bleacher Report is a wonderful Web site, and I endorse its awesomeness.

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