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Suddenly I'm the daily horoscope prophet? Alright, I guess I could take on that role for John McDonald tonight. After all, our buddy's gotta be feeling pretty shitty about his ninth inning blunder in which he was picked off as the Jays threatened extra innings against the Phillies this past afternoon....

I want to lighten up John McDonald's life by telling him what was the number one hit wonder of a song when he was born on September 27, 1974. That was ANDY KIM with ROCK ME GENTLY!

How gay does that sound? Ballplayers comforting John McDonald with "Rock me Gently" caressing in the background? And who was this one-hit wonder Andy Kim? Oh, he was one of those aspiring musicians in the 1970s, one of the guys who followed the long death of Rock N' Roll into Pop...and you know, in some ways I guess you could compare the career of Andy Kim to the career of John McDonald- there were bright spots, and not so bright spots. But each to his own. John McDonald has had many highlights, but there is no one defining moment of his career...and we're still searching for that.

Andy Kim had that defining moment of his career with "Rock me Gently", even if it only topped the US Billboard list for a freakin' week, and only made it as high as #2 in the United Kingdom. But imagine being on top of the world for one freakin' week! ROCK ME GENTLY!

And thus, a whole world screamed ROCK ME GENTLY for a little while. And someone was rocked gently, because nine months later, Tobey Maguire was born. The Spiderman star that would dazzle audiences was born!

Not just Maguire, but a whole collection of people were born around the fateful day of June 27th, 1975 as a result of Rock Me Gently!

You see how great players like Alfonso Soriano (born a month later) were nurtured into great ballplayers? If there's anything you and I should ever learn is in order to understand the history of any given moment, EVERY factor must be considered as a possible reason for such an occurance happening.

So hey, Monday's horoscope for John McDonald? I bet I could make that pretty damn relevant considering horoscopes are the easiest things in the world to write, because well, if you've been following this trail of bullshit all along, all I have to do is bullshit some more. After all, many men have tried to emasculate my great singing voice, but they've all ended up doing falsetto instead because my range of notes was far too high!

So, John:

"If Andy Kim can have a one-hit wonder, you will have a defining moment in your career. That defining moment will happen this year. It'll happen when everyone's counting on you. No pressure, Johnny Mac, just go buy a coin that has heads on both sides! After all, why not make your own luck?"

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