You’ve got to know when to hold them, when to fold them and when to gather your battered bangles and walk away.
One whiffle ball umpire wisely decided to call it a day after taking a searing line drive to the passion fruit this weekend.
Stephen Douglas of The Big Lead spotted video of the groin shot, which left the man incapacitated for minutes near third base.
The people involved in this video are members of the Potomac Wiffleball League, a group of whiffle ball players who are in no way messing around when it comes to whiffle ball. Douglas writes they are organized, uniformed and playing with proper supervision.
"This comes from the Potomac Wiffleball League, a group that plays organized team Wiffle ball," Douglas writes. "There are jerseys. And obviously, umpires. And they use cameras to record the action."
It’s unclear how long the umpire stayed down, but he remained on the ground for a good while. The players had time to mend the right field wall and took turns consoling the man.
"You alright?" one player asked. It was the only thing he could say. In these situations, the only help you can offer is empathy and a wide berth for the afflicted. No words can heal a bruised brisket—only time and ice.
Let it be known: Whiffle balls, though cute in their own way, are not cotton balls. With the right angle and enough velocity, they can wreak substantial havoc on sensitive areas.
Thankfully, the umpire was able to walk off the field on his own power and will presumably wear a cup everywhere but bed henceforth.
You made the right call, sir. No one should have to continue umping after taking such a blow. Now go rub some dirt on it. Metaphorically.
On the Twitters.