Hey, panda bear! Andrew McCutchen doesn't take too kindly to your type or your highfalutin, wood-wasting ways.
Assuming his role as “Baseball’s Ambassador,” McCutchen steps into the panda pit at the zoo to issue a notice to any furry, two-toned deviant too ignorant to appreciate the game of baseball.
“I’m Andrew McCutchen, and I’m in the panda enclosure at the zoo to make sure that even pandas know that baseball is better,” McCutchen says. “My wood-eating friends here might not know, but we’ve got players from all over the world. That’s why they call it the World Series.”
McCutchen astutely points out that animals are in the world and, therefore, have no excuse for not making their way into the league. He’s not asking for a hostile takeover, just a little hustle from a group of sleepy herbivores living off the zoo's dime.
“There’s only one thing we do with wood,” McCutchen says. “We put it on the ball. Baseball is better than Bao Bao.”
Consider this your wakeup call, panda bears. McCutchen just called out your cover girl, Bao Bao, the baby giant panda.
The only awkward part in this—besides talking trash to bears—is that Pittsburgh already has a panda baseball team.
A simple Google search revealed that there’s a wood-bat, summer collegiate baseball team called the “Pittsburgh Pandas” located in the North Hills region of Pittsburgh.
It would appear our black and white furred friends are moving faster than anticipated. Your move, McCutchen.
On the Twitters.