Welcome to the Onion Bag, your No. 1 source for weird and wonderful football news.
A few Frenchmen are disappointed not to be included among Didier Deschamps' 2014 World Cup squad, but some are taking it a lot better than others. Sylvain Distin, for example, has announced his international retirement with his tongue in his cheek.
Next up, we check in with Yoann Gourcuff, who has managed to pick up his latest injury while walking his dog.
Finally, it's over to Argentina where Diego Maradona is showing off an impressive new physique.