Chris Chelios Will Be Too Expensive Due To Ensure Prices

Avry Lewis-McDougallContributor IJune 25, 2009

CHICAGO - JANUARY 01:  Chris Chelios #24 of the Detroit Red Wings looks on during war-ups against the Chicago Blackhawks during the NHL Winter Classic at Wrigley Field on January 1, 2009 in Chicago, Illinois.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

Chris Chelios, NHL defenseman, 47 years old, still wants to play.

This first line, seems weird, most players in the NHL are long retired at 47 but not Mr.Chelios, the NHL's 21 century version of Methuselah does not want to hang them up but what team will take him? I'm sure Chris would not mind playing for about $750,000 a year but what about his drinks? No I don't mean gatoraide I mean Ensure. According to my sources in the 28 regular season games that he played in (in which he recorded no points) and 6 playoff games that he played in, it cost the wings $152! Teams are trying to lower spending in the NHL with the new salary cap and every penny counts so the extra $152 a year may hurt Chris's chances of playing again in the NHL. Mr.Chelios, may need to start buying his own Ensure (vanilla with fiber is his favourite flavour because older men like him have trouble staying regular) or hang them up as an extra $152 along with his salary of at least $700,000 will cause most teams to forget signing him as a guy who could provide leadership. In conclusion the only teams that I could be willing to pay for the costs of Mr.Chelios and his Ensure needs at his advanced age could be the New York Rangers or my hometown team Edmonton Oilers (quite frankly I would rather see Chris Pronger come back before old man Chelios signing in Edmonton ) but then that most likely means one of the two teams would need to get rid of one of their established defenceman and I cant see the Rangers getting rid of a guy like Marc Stall or the Oil getting rid of Sheldon Souray or Jason Strudwick. Will Mr Cheliosplay again? Maybe but only if his need for 70 percent insoluble fiber and 30 percent soluble fiber goes on his bill and not an NHL team's.