Vontae Davis Arrested After Warping the Space-Time Continuum

Even using but a percentage of his powers, he has been able to outperform even the most talented of athletes. If he is a mutant, he may have been born with a power which gives him the ability to travel at incredible rates of speed or teleport great distances.

Such powers would give him more than enough time to travel from South Florida to Illinois and back in a span of a few hours. However, this would not explain how the Illinois Police Department had another Vontae Davis in custody at the same time that he was in Florida.

My theory: Using his super-speed or teleportation powers, he managed to decrease his mass and slip through the bars of his jail cell, print a life-sized cardboard cut-out of himself at a local Kinkos, and place the cut-out back in his jail cell and escape to Florida undetected.

If Vontae is indeed a super-powered mutant, the Miami Dolphins got a steal with the 25th pick in the 2009 NFL Draft.

 

Theory No. 2: VONTAE DAVIS IS REALLY, REALLY SMART AND TURNED HIS SUV INTO A TIME MACHINE

GREAT SCOTT! Vontae may have done it. He may have successfully invented the first vehicle capable of traveling through space-time. Kudos to the University of Illinois Physics Department. That "Intro to Physics" class looks like it paid off... BIG TIME!

How did Vontae do it? It could be in the sub-woofers... Perhaps the sub-woofers emit a frequency so powerful that it creates a wormhole, thus allowing Vontae to drive his SUV through two points in the space-time continuum, coming out on the other end at a different place and time.

Perhaps, upon heading home from workouts in Davie, Vontae decided to cruise down A1A to unwind a little. However, upon reaching South Beach, he was confronted by a massive traffic jam. Vontae, undaunted, decided to do some cruising at his old stomping grounds, cranked up the juice, and off he went to Champaign.

Perhaps, this was actually a Vontae Davis from an alternate dimension! That would explain the two Vontaes. The Vontae Davis in the jail cell in Illinois was actually a time-traveling Vontae from an alternate universe.

It has been postulated by physicists that there may be an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of possibilities existing parallel to each other.

Perhaps, in one such alternate dimension, Vontae Davis being a superstar physicist at the University of Illinois instead of a superstar defensive back, modified his SUV to travel through time and ended up in Champaign on another plane of existence.

Unfortunately for Bizarro Vontae, it appears that time-travel is excessively noisy, and thus, against the law in our universe.

 

Theory No. 3: VONTAE DAVIS IS DIVINE

NFL scouts and amateur NFL draft analysts have long noted that Vontae Davis has the physique of a god. However, none of them might have realized how truly on the mark their observations might have been until now.

Gods are not constrained by the limits of time and space. Perhaps, like the Greek God Zeus, Vontae is actually a divine entity who has come down from the heavens and taken human form in order to embarrass feeble mortals with his immense athletic prowess and copulate with copious amounts of women.

Being the supreme talent evaluator that he is, Bill Parcells might have somehow clued in on the divinity of Vontae Davis. After all, Vontae shares a similar ferocious style of play which was first demonstrated by the demigod Lawrence Taylor.

Perhaps, Bill Parcells himself is the incarnation of an all-powerful, all-knowing god. That would certainly explain his astounding ability to turn feces into gold.

The gods are amongst us, and they are here to judge us in the form of professional athletes. Think twice before you foolishly accuse another one of steroid use, lest you feel the wrath of the gods above.

If Vontae is a god, he likely split himself in two, creating a clone of himself to occupy the jail cell in Illinois, as he ventured back down south to participate at Dolphins camp the following morning.

While we could theorize for days as to how Vontae Davis could accomplish this miraculous feat, we, unlike Vontae, are slaves to time. Time only goes one way for us - quickly forward and unconcerned with our plight. As such, we must move on from this issue, even as we look back in wonder.

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Although, thinking back on it now, some punk could have snagged Vontae Davis' wallet a few months back and impersonated him when he got pulled over for a noise violation. The Illinois Police Department could have failed to notice the fraudulent act of identity theft and posted it on their website.

Following this blunder, several newspaper journalists in a wild craze to break some news before their competitors beat them to it might have reported that the real Vontae Davis of the Miami Dolphins was arrested without doing their due diligence.

Nah... That's just too unbelievable...

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