If I were a negative person, I'd probably think the Yankees' only tangible achievement on Tuesday was snuffing out three hours of my life. Efforts like the 4-0 blanking at Turner Field can turn a heart to stone as hard as Nick Swisher's hands, after all.
Luckily, I'm a half-glass-full kind of guy. I believe Donnie Baseball will get that elusive ring in a Yankee uniform. I think Conan will be successful on The Tonight Show. I trust Stallone will one day release the sequel to Over The Top.
It's this superior attitude that allows me to appreciate the Yankees' effort in the opener against the Braves.
Baseball is a long season, and it's hard to keep track of your team for six straight months without losing touch at some point.
Fortunately for us, the Yankees were kind enough to provide a CliffsNotes version of everything that has ground their season to a halt these past two weeks. Who said this organization didn't appreciate its fans?
Consider the condensed failure the one-time Bronx Bombers put on display Tuesday:
We saw a lineup squander multiple scoring opportunities against a pitcher it hadn't faced before. We saw Robbie Cano come up empty in a meaningful RBI situation. We saw Chien-Ming Wang unravel in a big spot.
We saw A-Rod take another 0-for-4 and fail to come up with a ground ball that led to a decisive rally. We saw Derek Jeter roll over on a pitch and ground into a back-breaking double play. We saw Jorge Posada make a horrendous throwing error (and take the golden sombrero to boot!).
Thanks, Yankees! And thanks, Joe Girardi for keeping these guys motivated!
Who am I kidding? This is a disaster. At least the Mets have an excuse for being terrible right now—half of their team is in an MRI tube. You certainly can't say the same for the Yankees.
They are essentially healthy, and yet the entire lineup has somehow managed to collectively go into a tailspin ever since they set foot in Fenway Park on June 9. How does this happen?
If you want a silver lining, you can take it up Wang, who seems to be inching away from the days of getting horrifically embarrassed every time he takes the rubber.
The tiresome existence of interleague play led to an early Wang exit after five innings and just 62 pitches, but you get the feeling that a seven scoreless inning-type performance is coming up, perhaps as soon as the finale at Citi Field on Sunday night.
But facts are facts and the prodigal ace is now a stunning 0-6 on the season. Like the offense's sudden collective slide into the abyss, some things you just can't make up.