MLB Power Groupings: Win How You Can, Just Make It Happens

(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

In order to maximize my time and get in everything I want to say. I'm not going more than four lines per team.

You might be saying, "Why would you restrict yourself to that number? What's the big deal?"

And in reality you are right, because now I'm conscious about going over four lines and I know when I get to Cleveland, I'll end up coming back and erasing this portion of the introduction.

See the thing is, the change of groupings is fine, but it is no longer enough to keep my amusement. So I need to add in something to make it fun.

This is either a really good idea, or a really dumb one. I don't know what's going on anymore, but you deserve more than the standard power groupings. You deserve bad jokes and failed one-liners.

Boy how awful was that article headline by the way? Yeah I know, this author really sucks. You gotta love the random Reed Johnson and Ryan Theriot picture though, right?

Have I wasted enough of your time yet?

Yeah? Don't answer that out loud, please. Just read on.

Still no progress? Start thinking of unloading.

Baltimore, Cleveland, Washington, San Diego, Arizona

The Orioles seem like they are enjoying themselves in interleague play. I can't blame them. It's a nice little change for them to put up some wins.

I've declared Cleveland dead, because after last week's six straight losses, I've lost all complete faith in this club. Even if they fire Eric Wedge and spark a run, I just don't think I care anymore. Did I just say that? I'm running out of lines, so you'll have to judge for yourself.

Washington is terrible. That is the shortest and most true statement you will hear, ever.

The Padres are pitiful on the road and that's kind of depressing as you look at their home record. Nine road wins compared to 21 at home.

Arizona is just badly mediocre (can I say that?) in both areas. That in case you didn't know results in a record that is only better than Washington's. You can thank me later for the thoughtful insight.

Teetering on the brink of disaster.

Kansas City, Oakland, Houston, Pittsburgh

Kansas City is doing a fantastic job of keeping up with Cleveland. I hadn't noticed its downward spiral because of Cleveland's accelerated downfall. What's funny is the Royals and Cleveland are just eight and a half and ten games out of first despite being on losing streaks of five and six games.

I don't know what I can say about Oakland. The A's are like so bland over there in last place of their AL West division.

I take that back about Oakland, because I obviously forgot Houston. Maybe it's because I'm here on the East following an American League team and the Astors are the one team in the Central the Indians don't face, but I got nothing.

Now here is a fun team to talk about. Pittsburgh might be in last place, but who doesn't like talking about the Pirates? Doing things like reuniting the LaRoche brothers is like...cool. Yeah I know that's old news but, it's the Pirates!

Shifty Eyes

Minnesota, Chicago White Sox, Atlanta, New York Mets, Florida

Seriously can anyone explain the Twins to me? It seems like they are .500 all the time? I mean I know the entire AL Central sucks in that regard, but how has this team not gone on a run to get itself over the hump. I have the urge to say explain this to me in all capitals, in fact, envision that.

Chicago doesn't actually need explained to me. I totally get things going on over there.

As you will see with New York, Atlanta has been fortunate to have the teams above them struggle like they are. I full expected the Braves to be on the brink of disaster this week or at least next, but they're sticking around.

Things couldn't have fallen better for the Mets. They're going through some troubles right now that have put their record close to the danger line. Luckily for them, the Phillies have been just as or even worse.

Then there is Florida and if things fell good for the Mets in terms of their losing...ness, then things fell good for Florida with their winning.

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