In certain circles, willful theft of a child's sports souvenir sits between "manslaughter" and "refusing to watch The Deer Hunter" in terms of punishable offenses.
Stealing a baseball from the tiny mitts of a toddler goes against every tenet of organized society. The act alone tears at the social fabric and hearkens back to a time when mankind clubbed the offspring of opposing tribes and rewound tapes before returning them through the slot.
We have rules in this day and age, and one of the most basic is the unwritten law stating that children at sports games are first in line when souvenir memorabilia come flying into the stands.
The following are people who have either never heard of this principle or refuse to acknowledge its very existence. They are outlaws of the highest order—selfish enemies of the state that put their own happiness before the joy of children.
Some got away with their souvenir thievery; others repented and returned their pilfered goods. All of them shall be brought to justice on this day.