Father's Day: Dad, Always Wanted an Athlete?

3. Ryan Leaf. OK, maybe he’s about a decade removed from being considered an “athlete,” but the story of the former Washington State standout QB and overall number two pick in 1998’s NFL Draft just keeps getting sadder. Just last Friday he turned himself in to authorities after allegedly breaking into the apartment of a West Texas A&M football player and stealing painkillers. (Leaf was the quarterbacks coach at the school until resigning amid an unrelated drug investigation.) Ryan Leaf and Morganna, the Kissing Bandit: Your two biggest sports-related busts ever.

4. Alex Rodriguez. The Yankees “slugger” is having about as good a year professionally as Vanilla Ice: First he admitted to using banned substances, then he got injured, now he’s hitting a whopping .213 and is performing so poorly that Yankee manager Joe Girardi has decided to rest him occasionally for “fatigue.” Not to mention that embarrassing Guitar Hero commercial that makes Michael Jordan’s cutesy series of underwear spots with Cuba Gooding, Jr., look positively brilliant in comparison.

5.  Daisuke Matsuzaka. Remember when the Boston Red Sox paid $51.11 million just for the right to negotiate with the Japanese star pitcher? He’s now on the DL with a 1-5 record and a 8.23 ERA. The Red Sox still have the second-best team in baseball, but that $51 mill is looking like one of the biggest wastes of money since the budget for Basic Instinct 2.

6. Marian Hossa. The right winger defected from the Pittsburgh Penguins at the end of last season to sign with the Detroit Red Wings, saying in effect that Detroit offered him the best chance at a Stanley Cup. Not only did the Penguins end up beating the Wings in the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals, but Hossa stunk, scoring exactly zero goals in the seven-game series. Shelley Long has managed her career better than Hossa.

7. Josh McDaniels. OK, the head coach of the Denver Broncos isn’t necessarily an athlete, although he did play football in college. But the 33-year-old coach is younger than many professional athletes, and has had one of the worst off-seasons in recent NFL history: First he was a key figure in the loss of franchise quarterback Jay Cutler, now he is faced with the possibility of star receiver Brandon Marshall refusing to play for him. McDaniels also drafted a running back in the first round of the 2009 NFL Draft despite the fact that the team had picked up three backs in free agency. I haven’t seen anyone more primed to fail in a new job since Gary Cherone took over for Sammy Hagar in Van Halen. But hey, if McDaniels does fail in Denver, I know a certain Madison-area restaurant that could use some service help.

Happy Father’s Day.

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