How to Know If You're a Terrible Sports Fan

Kelley GardinerContributor IApril 24, 2014

How to Know If You're a Terrible Sports Fan

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    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    It's easy to tell when other people are bad fans: they're annoying and you don't want to hang around them.

    But what if you're a bad fan, and you were so busy being awful that you didn't even notice?

    Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe you're easily distracted. Maybe you forgot to eat dinner before guzzling stadium beers. Maybe you're just insufferable in every facet of your life, but no one's bothered to tell you yet.

    We're here to help diagnose you.

    Read the slideshow to find out if you're a terrible sports fan.

You Haven’t Missed One Facebook Notification Since You Got to the Arena

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    Keith Srakocic

    We all like to check our texts every once in a while or maybe send some pithy tweets. But if you’re on your phone the whole game, why not save yourself money and stay home?

    No, seriously. Maybe you should stay home.

You Claim to Love the Team, but Can't Name One Player

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    Mark Nolan/Getty Images

    Your "love" of the home team seems to be expressed by taking lots of pictures, drinking beers and cheering intermittently when other people seem to be cheering. To you, the team is more of a concept. It's a group of people from your town fighting for a common goal.

    Go social activities and the city where you happen to live right now!


You’re Booing Your Home Team’s Players

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    Ethan Miller/Getty Images

    If that kicker cared as much as you do, he wouldn’t have missed that 57-yard field goal. 

You’re Currently Flipping over a Police Car

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    Elsa/Getty Images

    Right at this moment, civil wars are being fought and children are going hungry. Yet, for you, nothing stirs the blood so much as one sports team beating another sports team.

    Start piling up political lawn signs in the street: it's time for a bonfire.

No One’s High-Fiving You After You Heckle the Other Team

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    David Rogers/Getty Images

    Do some research before the next game and come up with some better zingers than “you suck!” over and over.

You’ve Gotten Up at Least Seven Times

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    Richard Lui

    Time for nachos.

    Time for beer.

    Well, time for a cigarette.

    Better head to to the bathroom.

    Time to stretch the legs.

    Who wants ice cream?

You’re Involved in Game Play

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    Committing any action that changes the outcome of the game places you on an elevated level of terrible fandom. This level is reserved for those who are truly hated by other fans. You will remain here for as long as the collective memory remembers the infraction.



No One Wants to Hang out with You After a Loss

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    Jordan Mansfield/Getty Images

    Buddy, maybe you’re taking this a little too seriously. Your team lost the first game of the series, but they have more chances. Come down from the ledge.

The Beer Vendor Cut You off

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    Ted S. Warren

    Who does that jerk think he is, anyway? You’re just trying to have a good time.

    Sure, you're a little drunk, but it's Friday night—can’t a guy just express his devotion for his team?

    Wait, why is that usher coming over here?

Everyone Else Is an Idiot.

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    Bill Kostroun

    You know all about sports. You can spout off statistics and tell your buddies what went wrong in any given play or game. So you do. A lot.

    They have their own theories, too, but they obviously haven’t been listening to as much sports talk radio as you. In fact, you’ve been known to call in to sports talk radio shows, haven’t you? You love the sound of your own voice.

    So soothing.

    So right.