Breaking News: San Francisco Giants Post Barry Zito on Craigslist

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA - A young Giant's career came to an unfortunate and untimely close Tuesday morning when San Francisco management posted struggling SP Barry Zito on Craigslist.

The downward spiral finally wound down to its end. It began with Zito moving to the back-end of the rotation at the beginning of the season, then into the Giants bullpen early this week, and finally, onto the popular classified ad website.

To date, Zito had been 0-6 with a 7.53 ERA—certainly not the production the Giants had hoped for when they signed him to a seven-year, $126 million deal in early ‘07.

“You have to know when to cut your losses,” said Giants GM Brian Sabean. “Clearly, we kept doing things and they weren’t going our way. Like with the whole Bonds thing. You just gotta let it go—that’s our new motto by the way. Just let it go.”

Obviously, the Giants are “just letting go” of Barry Zito. They posted him in the ‘Barter’ section of Craigslist, where in return for Zito, the Giants were simply content with receiving absolutely nothing in return, and additionally offering services ranging from college admission essays to vegetarian recipes.

A copy of the ad is transcribed below:

Hey folks,

Giants GM Brian Sabean here. We have way too many great, amazing, quality pitchers on our hands over here. One of them being Barry Zito. But you know the old saying: too many pitching cooks on the mound kitchen (I made that one up! It’s not even ‘old’!)

But honestly, we desperately need to barter Barry Zito with you. In fact, you don’t even have to do anything. We’ll pay you to take him. Wait, actually, we have to pay his salary anyways, so maybe we can give you something in return for taking him. Sounds like a fair deal to me!

Here’s just a few things we can offer in return for you taking Barry Zito: we got a surfboard of Barry’s in the closet. I can also help your child with college admission essays, give you amazing but easy vegetarian recipes, and probably more things that I can’t just think of right now.

Thanks so much!

TTYL, Brian Sabean Professional Expert of the San Francisco Giants/GM/Popcorn Vendor (JK, JK, honestly. I do love popcorn though!)

A fitting end to a shitty career, some would say. Others call it a bargain.

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