10 Ways to Calm a College Football Fan's Impatience for the Upcoming Season

Jakob Thais by Correspondent Written on June 20, 2009

Slide 0 of 12

MIAMI - JANUARY 08:  The Oklahoma Sooners take on the Florida Gators during the FedEx BCS National Championship Game at Dolphin Stadium on January 8, 2009 in Miami, Florida.  (Photo by Michael Heiman/Getty Images)
Michael Heiman/Getty Images

The NCAA Basketball Championships can get college football fans through the spring, and the NBA playoffs can help us get through the last part of spring and the first part of summer, but now it is time. It is the time when anxious and impatient die-hards cannot wait any longer. Basketball Season is over, and the NHL has already crowned a champion. Sure baseball is good, but it's no football.

Some fans are anxious for revenge, and some are waiting to repeat their excellence from the previous season, but either way we all cannot wait, so what can we do while we wait for that opening kickoff?

None of these substitutes can create the full essence of the college football season, but they sure can help.

So here is my list of the top ten ways to keep your impatience from blowing your head up, while we wait for our teams long awaited first game.

10. The Paint and Decorate

WACO, TX - NOVEMBER 5:  The Texas Longhorns mascot celebrates in the game with the Baylor Bears on November 5, 2005 at Floyd Casey Stadium in Waco, Texas. Texas defeated Baylor 62-0.  (Photo by Stephen Dunn /Getty Images)

Completely re-do a room in your house, decked out and painted for your favorite team. Do this over and over about 17 times to completely calm you down. If you do it a full 24 it will already be time for the season to start. Decorate with flags, a big fathead, pennants, a new paint job, bed sheets, closet, etc. You guys get the point.

WARNING: Doing this 26 times or more may result in a missed play or two of your favorite team.

9. Perfect Your Trivia

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 29:  The USC Trojans mascot performs after the game against the Notre Dame Fighting Irish at Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on November 29, 2008 in Los Angeles, California. The Trojans defeated the Fighting Irish 38-3.  (Photo by

Do this one to perfect every fact of your favorite team. Spend the whole summer practicing your college football teams trivia over and over again. By the beginning of the season you should know absolutely every fact that has ever existed about your university. If you have extra time and no job, perfect the trivia of every team out there.

WARNING: The overdose of reading facts about your team could result in the burning of your retinas.

8. ESPN Shows

EUGENE, CA - SEPTEMBER 29:The Oregon Duck mascot waves to the crowd against the California Golden Bears at Autzen Stadium on September 29, 2007 in Eugene, Oregon.  (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images)

Watch College Football live every weekday at 3:30 eastern time. While you're watching, watch out for compliments on your favorite team. When they do get a compliment, rewind it over and over again and see how many times in a row it makes you smile.

WARNING: Frustration of ESPN homers has been known to cause brain damage and the breaking of walls.

7. Updates On Your Team

STILLWATER, OK - OCTOBER 30:  Pistol Pete, the mascot of the Oklahoma State University Cowboys, entertains the fans during the game against the University of Oklahoma Sooners at Boone Pickens Stadium on October 30, 2004 in Stillwater, Oklahoma. The Sooner

Every day until kickoff, go on your schools athletic site and look for any updates possible for the football team, refresh your page every five minutes for consistent findings. While you are at it, check how the women's golf team is doing, along with the pistol team.

WARNING: Your school may not have a pistol shooting team, but check for a rifle shooting team.

6. Stalking Your Coach

TAMPA, FL - MARCH 13:  The mascot of the Alabama Crimson Tide cheers during the game against the Tennessee Volunteers during the quaterfinal round of the SEC Men's Basketball Tournament on March 13, 2009 at The St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, Florida.  (Ph

Every friday night up until football season, find time to go and sit outside your coaches house. Find out every fact there ever was about him to increase your creep status, this may help you in your quest for patience.

WARNING: If you get caught, I hope you do not mind spending time in jail or in a mental hospital.

5. Sneaking In

ATLANTA - NOVEMBER 1: The Virginia Tech Hokie mascot rallies the Hokie fans at the game between the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets and the Virginia Tech Hokies on November 1, 2007 at Bobby Dodd Stadium at Historic Grant Field in Atlanta, Georgia.  The Hokies

Every night around your bedtime, sneak into your team's stadium and sleep there every night. While doing this run around the field as many times as possible without throwing up. Making friends with the security can't hurt you either. If this doesn't work out, just drive around the stadium over and over again every day until kickoff time.

WARNING: Do not get caught, if you do, explain to them that you are two-time heisman winner Archie Griffin.

4. The Reenactment

TUSCALOOSA, AL - SEPTEMBER 22: Mascot of the Georgia Bulldogs waves a flag on the field during the game against the Alabama Crimson Tide at Bryant-Denny Stadium September 22, 2007 in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Georgia defeated Alabama 26-23 in overtime. (Photo

Get your friends together, and go to a park everyday. While your at the park reenact every play of the previous season of every team, including all conferences. Do this until the season starts back up in September. And you can start again once it ends.

WARNING: Exhaustion in this activity has previously resulted in death.

3. Going Streaking

16 Oct 1993: Mascot of the Penn State Nittany Lions stands on the field during a game against the Michigan Wolverines at Beaver Stadium in University Park, Pennsylvania. Michigan won the game 21-13.

One of these summer days, run through town completely naked chanting your rival schools name. This is so people are disgusted in your rival and in thus may become fans of your team. It is like reverse recruiting, but for fans.

WARNING: May result in an arrest, or depending on where you live, a horrible sunburn.

2. The Band

TAMPA, FL - MARCH 13:  The mascot of the Florida Gators cheers during the game against the Auburn Tigers during the quaterfinal round of the SEC Men's Basketball Tournament on March 13, 2009 at The St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, Florida.  (Photo by Chris

In this one you need to get some friends that are fans like you, make some homemade instruments, and have a singer. All because in this one you create a rock or rap band that exclusively supports your favorite team. Haven't you ever dreamed of having a rock band for your favorite team? Well, you can create your own dreams now!

WARNING: To avoid violent criticism, what ever you do, do not release this music to the public.

1. Video Games

DAYTON, OH - MARCH 17:  Brutus, the mascot for the Ohio State Buckeyes, cheers during their game against Davidson in First Round of the 2006 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament at the University of Dayton Arena March 17, 2006 in Dayton, Ohio.   (Photo by And

Go and buy the latest version of EA Sports NCAA Football, and start a dynasty mode. Make sure this dynasty is with your team. See how many times you can win a national championship in a row without rotting your brain or hurting your eyes. I had 27 in a row before my checkup and procedure on my brain.

WARNING: Like said in the description, this may hurt your brain, or like in No. 9, burn your retinas.

(3)
...
Share This  
Crop_45x45
or to post this comment

12 Comments

There are no comments yet. Get the conversation started by leaving the first comment

Loading more comments...
posted just now
  • Loading...
  • Nobody has liked this comment yet
Cancel

This comment and all replies have been deleted This comment has been deleted Undo delete

213
reads

12
comments

written on June 20, 2009 Humor

The best newsletter on the web

Subscribe Now

We will never share your email address


CBS Sports Official Partner
Certain photos copyright © 2009 by Getty Images.
Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited.