Jonathan Woodgate and the Worst Acting Footballers
In a video promoting Middlesbrough FC season tickets, Jonathan Woodgate has made his acting debut.
The veteran defender explains how Smoggies fans can save £65 on their season cards, which appears to be the exact amount the club spent putting together the clip.
Woody's performance leaves a little to be desired, which is why he leads our list of the worst acting footballers.
Middlesbrough's hilariously bad promotional clip for season ticket renewals features Jonathan Woodgate, a bird of prey and some pretty impressive production values.
Woodgate's acting debut is almost as regrettable as his Real Madrid debut.
Thanks to their overwhelmingly long list of global sponsors, Manchester United sometimes rope their players into shilling various products in TV commercials.
Here, we see Wayne Rooney, Ryan Giggs and Patrice Evra.
Giggsy is actually pretty good (he has lots of experience of acting to hide certain things), but the show is stolen by Rooney, who gives Alec Baldwin a run for his money in the World's Greatest Living Actor stakes.
Just look at that dramatic chin stroke as he struggles to process the next cue card being held just out of shot.
The clip was made for a very good cause, but Beckham wasn't exactly channeling Laurence Olivier in his delivery. Even when reciting lines, his habit of saying "you know" every few words couldn't be shaken.
Former Wimbledon hard man Vinnie Jones is actually a fairly decent actor, who has forged a successful career in Hollywood after hanging up his boots.
However, he did have a slightly cringeworthy moment in the 2006 sci-fi flick X-Men: The Last Stand, in which he screams the immortal line: "Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"
Pele has done plenty of acting in his native Brazil, but the legendary striker's most recognised work is probably in the 1981 classic Escape to Victory.
In this scene, the three-time World Cup winner goes up against Michael Caine and is outclassed in the same way as the British actor would be in a professional football game.
Also worthy of note is Pele's advert for erectile dysfunction medicine, which was actually voiced by Peter Serafinowicz.
Skip to 1.27 for the offending clip
Ian Wright's 1999 "character performance" for Chicken Tonight isn't as bad as it is cringeworthy.
The Arsenal legend has since made his film debut in British fantasy drama Gun of the Black Sun. Let us know in the comments if you are one of the three people who saw it.
Graeme Souness and Sammy Lee
Here's a classic from the penultimate episode of 1980s Liverpudlian drama and Harry Enfield inspiration Boys From The Blackstuff, which features Liverpool stars Graeme Souness and Sammy Lee.
Souness does most of the impassive talking, as Sammy Lee is either too terrified to speak or too busy chewing the scenery.