Break Up The SEC—Conference Realignment Needed Now

Break up the SEC.

It’s just too dominant. Unless you live in Los Angeles or Austin, or you’ve been in a coma for the last few years, you know it to be true.

I submit that we must realign all the FBS conferences. Oh, you can keep the current conferences for sports with real championships, I am only talking about the top level of college football. Realigning based on geography, though, won’t help.

That’s how we got into this mess.

Besides, we don’t need to align geographically anymore. Those alignments were created when it took a three-day train ride to get from Chicago to Los Angeles.

If geography isn’t a reason, then what is the basis for realignment?

Nicknames, of course!

I mean if you want to find out who is really top dog, put all the dogs in one conference, and let them play.

Top Dog

So let’s start with the dogs. Start with the Bulldogs and Huskies, and gee, no Poodles or Dobermans, so we’ll expand slightly and bring in the Wolves. Since “Lobos” is Spanish for Wolves, that means New Mexico too.

Canine Conference

Fresno St. Bulldogs
Georgia Bulldogs
Louisiana Tech Bulldogs
Mississippi St. Bulldogs
Connecticut Huskies
Northern Illinois Huskies
Washington Huskies
New Mexico Lobos
Nevada Wolf Pack
North Carolina St. Wolf Pack
Arkansas St. Red Wolves

It seems to me that Georgia is the obvious choice for now, but a decade ago, Washington would have been top dog. NC State and Fresno St. will keep it interesting.

Big Cats

Well, if we start with dogs, then we’ll try cats next. Let’s see, Lions, Tigers, Wildcats...wait a second, there’s too many felines for one conference. We’ll start with the big cats.

Large Feline Conference

Brigham Young Cougars
Houston Cougars
Washington St. Cougars
Penn St. Nittany Lions
Florida Atlantic Panthers
Pittsburgh Panthers
Auburn Tigers
Clemson Tigers
Louisiana St. Tigers
Memphis Tigers
Missouri Tigers

Now this conference has some competition! Penn St. and LSU might be best this year, but Auburn, Clemson, Missouri, and BYU have been top 20 teams recently, and Pitt and Wazzu have been to BCS bowls.

Small Fuzzies

There’s not enough remaining felines for another conference, but there are a bunch of other small to mid-size mammals that are looking for a conference, so we’ll fill out the conference with them.

Small Mammal Conference

Arizona Wildcats
Kansas St. Wildcats
Kentucky Wildcats
Northwestern Wildcats
Cincinnati Bearcats
Ohio Bobcats
Wisconsin Badgers
Oregon St. Beavers
Minnesota Gophers
Arkansas Razorbacks
Michigan Wolverines

I think we’re looking at a real cat fight (pun intentional) for the title in this conference. The only BCS team in this group last year was Cincinnati, and with Oregon St. and Wisconsin in the running, and Michigan bound to improve, this could be almost anybody’s race.

Big fuzzies

With the dogs, cats, and smaller mammals out of the way, let’s get the big mammals together. Here we have the right number to do two divisions. Bears and horses are in one division. Cows, bison, and sheep in the other.

Large Mammal Conference—Bovine & Ovine Division

Colorado St. Rams
Buffalo Bisons
Colorado Buffaloes
South Florida Bulls
Texas Longhorns
Marshall Thundering Herd

Large Mammal Conference—Ursine and Equine Division

Baylor Bears
California Bears
UCLA Bruins
Boise St. Broncos
Western Michigan Broncos
Southern Methodist Mustangs

As of right now, Texas has to be the favorite to win their division and face off against Cal or Boise St. in the CCG. In the BCS era, though, UCLA, Colorado, and Marshall have been ranked in the top 10, so this is a fluid conference.

Birds of Prey

With the mammals taken care of, it’s time to look skyward. This conference is really for the birds—Birds of Prey, that is.

Now, technically, Iowa’s teams are not named after a bird of prey, but their mascot and logo are, so they’re in. Again we have the needed count for two divisions.

Birds of Prey Conference—Eagle and Owl Division

Boston College Eagles
Eastern Michigan Eagles
Southern Miss. Eagles
Florida International Owls
Rice Owls
Temple Owls

Birds of Prey Conference—Hawk and Falcon Division

Kansas Jayhawks
Miami (OH) Red Hawks
Louisiana-Monroe War Hawks
Iowa Hawkeyes
Air Force Falcons
Ball St. Falcons

I see Kansas and Iowa battling it out in one division, while Southern Miss and Boston College go at it in the other.

Other Animals

Next we’ll put the rest of the birds with the reptiles, amphibians and the lone insect in the Other Animal conference. Again, “Hokies” are imaginary, but the mascot is a bird.

Other Animals Conference

Florida Gators
Texas Christian Horned Frogs
Maryland Terrapins
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
Bowling Green Cardinals
Louisville Cardinals
Oregon Ducks
South Carolina Gamecocks
Virginia Tech Hokies

Florida would be the obvious choice here, but the presence of Oregon and Virginia Tech will certainly ensure that the conference is competitive.

Ethnic

With the animals all accounted for, it’s time for the human element. With the human nicknames, most are activities, and some are ethnic. A couple of years ago, the ethnic divided neatly between new world and old, but then Arkansas St. changed from “Indians” to "Red Wolves," thereby reducing the conference to these 11:

Ethnic Conference

San Diego St. Aztecs
Central Michigan Chippewas
Utah Utes
Illinois Fighting Illini
Florida St. Seminoles
Michigan St. Spartans
San Jose St. Spartans
Southern California Trojans
Troy Trojans
Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns
Notre Dame Fighting Irish

This alignment makes the annual Notre Dame—USC tilt a conference game. USC would be favored, but Utah, Florida St., Illinois, and Notre Dame have all been to BCS games, so the upper tier of this conference is certainly competitive.

Fighters

As to the activity aspect, it seems a lot of nicknames involve fighting. Enough of them to make a two division conference, to wit:

Fighting Activity Conference—Military Division

Navy Midshipmen
Vanderbilt Commodores
Rutgers Scarlet Knights
Central Florida Knights
Army Black Knights
Virginia Cavaliers

Fighting Activity Conference—Non-Military

Texas Tech Red Raiders
Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders
East Carolina Pirates
Mississippi Rebels
UNLV Rebels
Idaho Vandals
Hawaii Warriors

Again, a traditional rivalry becomes a conference game, this time Army versus Navy. With Texas Tech and Hawaii in the same conference, a conference passing record will probably be an NCAA record as well. For this year Ole Miss looks like the team to beat in this conference. I don’t think any team in this conference has yet played in a BCS game, making it one of the weaker conferences over the past decade.

Other occupations

The next conference collects those with a job to do.

Occupation Conference

Purdue Boilermakers
Wake Forest Demon Deacons
New Mexico St. Aggies
Texas A&M Aggies
Utah St. Aggies
Nebraska Cornhuskers
Oklahoma St. Cowboys
Wyoming Cowboys
Texas-El Paso Miners
West Virginia Mountaineers
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers

I know that “Aggies” work in agriculture, but I’m not really sure what “Mountaineers” and “Hilltoppers” do. Oklahoma St. and West Virginia will battle it out this year with Nebraska not yet back to their form of the 90s.

Nature / State

Now it starts to get difficult. Five teams have use their state nickname as their team nickname, and are not includable in any of the above groupings. Either the nicknames come from the exploits of the state’s founders (Tarheels, Volunteers and Sooners) from the state tree (Buckeyes) and one of unknown origin (Hoosier).

There are also five teams whose nickname is from a force of nature. So I took the Nature teams and combined them with the “state” teams and call it the “Natural State” Conference.

Natural State Conference

Oklahoma Sooners
North Carolina Tarheels
Tennessee Volunteers
Ohio St. Buckeyes
Indiana Hoosiers
Alabama Crimson Tide
Iowa St. Cyclones
Tulsa Golden Hurricane
Tulane Green Wave
Miami (Fla) Hurricanes

This makes a tough conference. Oklahoma, Ohio St., Miami, and Tennessee have all won national titles in the BCS era, and Alabama is no slouch, so things could get interesting.

Odds and Sods

What’s left? Well, there’s a few colors, a couple of devils, and the real oddballs. I did note that the state of Ohio seems to have more than it’s fair share of unique names.

Odds and Sods Conference

Stanford Cardinal
North Texas Mean Green
Syracuse Orange
Ala-Birmingham Blazers
Kent St. Golden Flashes
Toledo Rockets
Akron Zips
Duke Blue Devils
Arizona St. Sun Devils

Not the strongest of conferences, to be sure. Maybe Alabama will drop the “tide” part of their name, and become just the Crimson, so that they can join this conference.

Eleven conferences of nine to 13 teams, similar to what we have now, but the SEC teams are spread out over six different conferences. Regional rivals could still play each other in out of conference games, if they insist.