Lucky No Good Piece Of Sh*t Bastard Impregnates Second Model(Satire)

(Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images)

Apparently that lucky son of a bitch Tom Brady has impregnated his second super model with a child, this time his new wife, Gisele Bunchen. The no good bastard says he and his wife are very happy to be expecting their first child. That makes two models down on this prick's quest to make sure all of the offspring of 21st century supermodels belongs to him.

I've been a beatwriter for these Pats for 20 years, and you are the worst quarterback I've ever seen. Do you know how many models I've been with? Do you know how many women I've been with who could even be remotely considered models even in a plus size catalogue? Zero Tom! Zero!

To celebrate the news, the piece of shit is taking his wife down to his winter home in the Bahamas on his twenty million f*cking dollar yacht. The assh*le went so far as to say he is starting his own children's charity which will raise enough money, he hopes, to have a real shot at curing children's cancer. What a d*ck.

Brady says he doesn't know when the baby will be arriving, but says it will probably be before a certain sportswriter's wife goes on a diet or learns how to clean the kitchen. Muscles, millions, talent, fame, and good looks weren't enough for you, were they Brady? You had to go out and tag half of the very Victoria's Secret catalogue I used last night? That's low, you f*cker.

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