Lights, Cameras, Action! The Worst Movies Ever Starring Pro Wrestlers

This gem of a film stars the guy that played Face from the A-Team. If anyone even remembers that show, sadly I do.

Anyway, he plays a manager named Harry Smilac. He is down on his luck because he can’t get his crappy band any gigs.

While some people might decide to find a new line of work or get a better band. He comes up with the idea to combine Rock and Wrestling.

Huh, I recall that being done before but anyways.

He hooks up with Roddy Piper, Fatu, Lou Albano and a cast of others some may recognize.

The crazy shenanigans in this craptacular film are non-stop. If this ever happens to be on TV run, don’t walk, away.

While Jesse "The body" Ventura may have been one of pro wrestling’s most popular and colorful figures. He sure couldn’t act worth a damn.

In this dog turd of a film, he plays Abraxas, a finder who defends the galaxy from a pregnant woman who can somehow destroy the universe.

I will be honest with ya, this was on at two in the morning and I was drunk. I was sober enough to realize how lame it was, though, so I never finished it.

If your buddy ever tries to make you watch this awful piece of garbage, I would highly recommend making new friends.

I’m sure we all now about this film. Cena plays some jacked up marine who rescues his wife from diamond smugglers.

OOkkkaayyyy, Vince, thanks for this classic piece of filming.

The movie stars crappy actors with the leader of crap being Cena. He runs around and kicks everyone’s you know what.

He did get a scratch in the film, though, if I’m not mistaken.

Cena likes to tell everyone that we can’t see him. Well that can very well be the truth because after I saw this, I almost went blind.

Sorry Chedda, you’re my boy, but this film reeked of heinosity.

AAAHHHHH nothing says Christmas like presents, eggnog, Santa and Bill Goldberg .

In this Yuletide classic Goldberg plays Santa Claus, who as it really turns out is a demon (God please just take me now).

Anyhoo, I guess the real reason good old Saint Nick was so nice over the years was because he lost a bet to an Angel.

Now that the bet is over, all hell breaks loose as Goldberg/Santa returns to his evil ways.

I turned this off half way thrugh the movie. In all honesty I couldn’t take it anymore.

The only thing more painful then watching Goldberg wrestle is to watch him act.

If your ever at the movie store and is tempted to rent this, do your self a favor ask the person next to ya to kick ya in the nuts.

I promise you folks that will be much more fun than watching this movie.

John Carpenter over the years has built up a nice little resume over the years for making horror flicks.

I think I can positively say he might have left this horrid film off the list.

This film stars none other then Roddy Piper. Roddy Piper is walking down an alley way and he stumbles across a box of cheesy 1980's sunglasses in the trash.

He must have been pretty hard up because he picks through the garbage and keeps a pair for himself.

Little did he know though these were special sunglasses that made him see crazy and kooky things.

He would put them on and see subliminal messages all over the place. Also, when he had them on he saw these crappy alien zombie things.

As it turns out these alien zombies thingies are trying to take over earth. Well not on the Hot Rod's watch!

He would go on to kick all their butts and save the world. Next time I see him I will have to thank him.

Then punch him in the face and get back the three bucks I spent on this pathetic piece of garbage.

In this action packed film Hogan plays a retired TV star. One of his last gigs is at an amusement park where he is supposed to make an appearance.

Out of nowhere though the park is attacked by a bunch of ninjas. That’s right folks, there is no need to clean your glasses, I said NINJAS.

Why ninjas would want to take over a theme park is beyond my realm of thinking.

Needless to say, it is up to the Hulkster and these three kids to stop Loni Anderson and her gang of ninjas.

I would rather jump in a pool of gasoline and have someone light it then ever watch this rubbish again.

Do your self a favor, if for whatever reason you have the urge to watch this film. Down a whole bottle of turpentine and swallow a match; you will be better off.

I know I know it’s another Hulkster film, what can I say he has done a lot of bad films.

In this one he plays a man running form the police but gets knocked out and has amnesia.

When he wakes up he now thinks he is Santa Claus. Who the hell writes this crap anyways?!

I would like to find the director and beat him with my garden hose.

Moving on though, it’s now Hogan’s job to save a local orphanage from some dude named Ebner Frost.

Needless to say, the Hulkster saves the day and all is right in the world. Everything but the headache I got trying to figure out why someone would make this.

This was on USA up all night with Gilbert Gottfried. That should be enough about this movie to tell ya how good it is.

Roddy Piper plays some kind of man slave in a post apocalyptic world.

I guess there aren’t too many men left because he is now forced to have sex with women so the human species can survive.

This must have been a real burden for Piper. I cant imagine anything worse then being forced to have sex with good-looking women.

I don’t remember the plot to well on this epic masterpiece to be honest with you.

I do know that it was probably worse then having your eyelids shut together.

This was probably Hogan’s best film during his acting career. That really isn’t saying too much though.

Hogan plays a wrestler named RIP who is way over with the fans. What a stretch Hogan, I bet ya had to study hard to play that role.

In this film a new promotion is in town and they want RIP to join. When Hogan refuses they get nasty and mean.

They finally piss off the Hulkster, he kicks all their asses and everyone lives happily ever after.

I am pretty sure my three-legged dog could have come up with better material than this movie had.

In fairness though it was better then what Vince is putting on Raw these days.

We all know about this one there isn’t too much to say. Only to words are needed to describe this steaming pile of dog poop.

David Arquette!!!

Well I want to thank all of you that took the time to read this. I implore you to never watch these films.

If you do though, don’t say you weren’t warned.

As always, good night and God bless.