Where Are Their Puppet Commercials?

OK...why did you not start with this? I mean, really? Really?

Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, of all sports rivalries, should have had their own puppet commercials. These two arguably kick-started the golden age of the NBA, and basketball itself.

Johnson was the chosen one. Bird was the great player out of small town Indiana. They had a shoe commercial together, posed together when campaigning for the league, and led their respective teams to multiple NBA championships.

On top of that, accurate NBA Finals hype would have been guaranteed, unlike the LeBron-Kobe commercials.

So for whoever passed up an opportunity to make puppets out of these two, you fail. Miserably.

These two quarterbacks would have had great commercials. It's likely that they would have just talked about Montana's Super Bowl rings, and who bested the other when it got to throwing strength.

Still, these guys were arguably the two best quarterbacks in the NFL in their prime. I have no doubt that they were the most popular, at the very least.

Anyone who wouldn't have liked these two as puppets just weren't football fans. Forget about the fact that there are team rivalries and loyalty. The popularity of these two as puppets would have been great.

In the 1991 NBA Finals, the biggest story was the matchup between the two most popular guards in the league: Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson.

It was called the "Showdown" and the "Show of Shows," as the best player of the past decade, and next great player of the 90's went face to face. The series was less than epic, as the Bulls took down the Lakers in five.

Still, the hype would have been amazing.

Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan puppet commercials would've been through the roof! I'd have a hard time choosing which puppet commercial for Johnson was better.

Alas, for some strange reason, the Johnson-Jordan commercials are merely fantasies to this day. (Insert frowny face.)

In the 1995 NBA Finals, the defending champion wasn't Chicago. For once, it was about Hakeem Olajuwon and his Houston Rockets.

In the 1995 NBA Finals, the league's most popular player was there, but it wasn't Michael Jordan.

It was Shaquille O'Neal and his Orlando Magic.

In the 1995 NBA Finals, the two best centers in the league (yes, I know there was Patrick Ewing, but it's my article and my opinion, curse you!) faced off for the league's ultimate prize.

Again, the outcome wasn't as great as the hype.

And, once again, the opportunity at a puppet commercial was never even thought of.

Hakeem and O'Neal would have had great commercials as puppets, and would talk about how great they are on the court. O'Neal could have rapped about his excellent movies and video game (before I get bashed, that was a joke). Hakeem could freak the Diesel out with a Nigerian dish.

The commercials could have been great.

But...well...there goes another failure.

Reggie Miller hates the New York Knicks.

I know it, you know it, and the rest of the basketball—no, the sports world—knows it.

Anybody who read his autobiography knows it.

So, if a puppet commercial is to be made with Reggie Miller, then a Knick puppet should be involved.

Have it be anyone. Have it be Ewing, Allan Houston, Charlie Ward, John Starks, or even Isaiah Thomas as head coach.

Thomas can be calling a woman the "B" word, and Reggie can swoop in and challenge him to a game of one-on-one. Then, Mr. Miller can hit the three on him and flip him off for leaving the Pacers for New York.

These puppet commercials would have been brilliant.

The picture says it all when it gets to puppet commercial ideas.

If the NFL ever wanted to make an answer to the conspiracy theory of Favre letting Strahan sack him for the season record, this would be brilliant.

Strahan could just insult Brett. Brett will make those puppet sneers you see all the time in Sesame Street. When the time is right, Favre will throw a football at Strahan's head. Strahan will get angry...then attack!

It'd be brilliant, awesome, and the ultimate reference.

Who cares about versus matchups?

And how do you have a LeBron-Kobe puppet commercial before having a Shaq-Kobe commercial?

I mean, do these guys even have a legitimately funny ad together? Maybe they do, but they weren't puppets, so I probably ignored it.

All humor aside, these two would have had dozens of commercials where they'd brag about their three-peat.

They could have had commercials where they would argue about who contributed more to the championship runs.

There could have been a commercial where Shaq leaves the Staples Center to go to Miami, while Kobe is sulking to a Michael Bolton song.

Good job, commercial makers! You just missed a classic opportunity.

Nothing could have been better than this...

God, I hope they do this one day.

If the NFL could make any commercial, this would be it. The epitome of football puppet commercials.

These two have done commercials together before. Well, probably only one, but it was funny! They were licking the cream filling off the oreo cookies in a professional Oreo dunking and licking league. It was funny, really!

Anyway, these two could have great commercials together. The puppet Mannings could collaborate with LeBron and Kobe. It would be great, man! Amazing, actually.

Nothing would be better...

I don't watch tennis that avidly. I admit it. I'm not a true sports fan. I just like American dominated competitions. The only reason why I watch soccer is because the USA could potentially win the World Cup...someday.

The fact that I disliked tennis didn't help either. I only watched women's tennis because my three love interests (the Williams sisters and Maria Sharpova) were playing. Tennis seemed to be too time consuming, exhausting, and full of loud, unnecessary grunts.

But, after hearing about the classic matchup between Nadal and Federer last year, my opinion on tennis has changed.

I still don't watch tennis unless my girls are on.

But, I love Nadal and Federer now. Those two were amazing. I could tell from every highlight on ESPNEWS, and the five minutes I saw of their Open Final (whichever one that was).

Puppet commercials of these two would have rocked everyone's world. From coast to coast, hemisphere to hemisphere, and beyond, these two would have been great in felt.

And of course, so was everyone else...but they don't play tennis. I know, because I watched five total minutes of the sport throughout my entire life.