20 Types of Sports Fans Who Have Absolutely No Shame
Let's face it, undying team loyalty doesn't just prompt us to spend absurd amounts of cash on team gear, tickets and memorabilia—it inspires us to say and do the kind of things that would almost certainly be deemed unacceptable in any other context.
Wins become personally directed affirmations of our awesomeness and losses turn into individually tailored methods of torture.
The resulting passion makes a normally coy sports fan erupt into a profanity-laced tirade, kiss a total stranger or simply bury their head in their hands...and quietly sob.
Yep—what's good for a team's business is hell for the super fan's emotional well being. Throw in a steady infusion of booze and hot wings and the 'student section' can become the 'riot section'.
And while most of us manage to keep one foot squarely in reality and our faculties intact, others (often normally pleasant people) cross over into a zone where they say and do things that run the spectrum from tasteless to outright criminal.
One thing that becomes apparent is that these sports fans gone wild make the same embarrassing mistakes or do the same awful things regardless of the event or era.
Menacingly Distracting Fan
These are the shameless fans who are more about being watched and making a spectacle than watching the game. Obviously, that’s a very broad definition because this is a little subjective.
That being said, anyone in a spandex unitard qualifies.
Overly Enthusiastic Fan
Fans who are overly enthusiastic and aggressive about their fandom are, by and large, a pretty shameless bunch. There are few off the table when it comes to their declarations.
While they can be shameless even in private, the overly enthusiastic fan thrives in a public venue. If you want to see them truly shine, just point a camera at them a hold out a microphone.
And, as you can see, all shame goes out the window at a very early age.
Overly Inked Fan
A shameless overly inked sports fan usually comes in one of two varieties: 1. Someone who has turned over far too much real estate to sports tattoos (or tattoos in general) and 2. Someone who has just one tattoo that he insists on baring, but we desperately wish he’d cover up.
These folks have spent a fair amount of time and money getting jabbed with needles and the last thing they want to do is cover up their various masterpieces. Of course, one man’s masterpiece is another man’s regrettable eyesore.
Proudly Puking Fan
Most of us spend our adult lives going out of our way not to puke, and if we absolutely have to puke, making the proper arrangements to ensure as much privacy as possible, given the circumstances.
Shameless puking fans don’t care about puking and they don’t care about privacy. When the urge to purge overtakes, they don’t mind having to improvise a receptacle on the fly—if they care to use one at all.
And if you aren’t there to see it? Don’t worry, they’ll probably post it online.
Inconsolable Sobbing Fan
That whole thing about how men aren’t supposed to cry is ridiculous—everyone is entitled to a good cry every now and again. Of course, crying is something most of us do in relative privacy.
The difference between a crying fan and a shameless crying fan is the latter prefers an audience, or at least doesn’t mind one. Why wait till you get home when you can start sobbing in the stands.
Even if they’re crying at home alone, they’ll record it and post it to YouTube. Misery does love company.
Irrationally Angry Fan
Basically the opposite of inconsolable sobbing fan, irrationally angry fan is equally shameless, but in a much more unpleasant way. Whereas watching a grown man cry is unpleasant and sad, dealing with the uncorked rage of anyone—friend or foe—is usually worse.
Irrational fan rage can manifest itself in countless ways, including, but not limited to: YouTube rants, endless red-faced screaming at live events, picking fights with strangers, uncomfortably hostile internet comments, and weirdly aggressive letters to the editor.
Think…every Jets fan you’ve ever met.
That’s a Lot of Paint Fans
Most fans who go the face paint route opt for team logos on their cheeks—simple stuff like that. Then there are the shameless few that start at the hairline and don’t stop painting until they reach the shoes.
Not only do excessive painter fans look ridiculous, they’re also dealing with stained shirts, unpleasant streak stains from rain or tears, and tend to leave a colorful trail everywhere they go.
Pawning your dignity for body paint isn’t a fair trade.
Inappropriate Sign Fan
There’s a distinct difference between fans that bring signs of support for their team and fans that bring signs designed to shock and/or titillate. Using a pesky locker room staph infection as the inspiration for a punny sign would, for example, count as inappropriate.
Other inappropriate signs include: This, this one, definitely this one, this, that, this one, that one, probably this, definitely that, and without question, this one. They're all shameless. Hilarious...but shameless.
Creepy Obsessed Fan
Creepy obsessed fans take their love of a team to a more personal level, focusing way too much time and energy into aggressively loving a single athlete. Their shameless displays of affection know no bounds.
Shrines, public declarations of love on social media—like YouTube videos and menacing tweets, very unfortunate tattoos, authoring erotic fan fiction, and good old fashioned stalking are just a few of the shameless displays of obsession.
Too Heavy on the PDA Fans
When it comes to PDA at at sporting events, this is very mild stuff. Deadspin makes a habit of posting all the misbehaving couple videos that I’m not allowed to share here. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it!
There’s a surprisingly large number of people out there that subscribe to the “anytime, any place” philosophy of sexual shenanigans. If that sounds like you, I look forward to seeing you and your significant other on Deadspin.
Really Wants to Get on the News Fan
If you’ve ever seen a news reporter broadcasting live from a sporting event, you’ve probably noticed dozens of weirdos—some more persistent than others—doing whatever they can think of to get noticed.
Some people will briefly ham it up for the camera and move on, while the most shameless among us will really commit and kick things up a notch. Dropping one’s pants and physically accosting the reporter are popular tactics.
Twitter Tough Guy Fan
What’s crazy about Twitter, and social media in general, is that people, who might be completely normal and friendly in their regular lives, suddenly feel free to say ridiculously terrible things they would never say to someone in person.
We’re talking mean, sometimes horrible, stuff. Sometimes it’s harmlessly mean, like the tweets featured in Jimmy Kimmel’s fantastic “Mean Tweets” segment. Other times it’s repugnant rubbish, like racial slurs and death threats.
Dance Like No One’s Watching Fan
“Dance like no one’s watching” is a motivational saying (type thing) that encourages people to be themselves, instead of always obsessing about judgement from strangers. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with dancing, unless, of course, it does.
The raucous environment at a sporting event lends itself to dancing. People are drinking, music is playing and everyone is having a good time. The thing about dancing in public though is that people are watching—and probably recording you. Just something to keep in mind.
Super Duper Sloshed Fan
The super duper sloshed is different than other various forms of fan drunks (like the angry drunk and the puking drunk) in that you get the sense from his level of drunkenness that sports are more of a vehicle for his alcoholism than anything else.
These fans have no shame. Not only do they show up to the game already hammered, they probably showed up to the tailgate that morning freshly buzzed—or maybe even still drunk from the night before. You can count on them to get really sloppy and invade everyone’s personal space.
Thankfully, you can also count on them to fall asleep at some point for at least awhile. Maybe after taking a nasty spill down the stairs and getting up like nothing happened. Kinda like this guy.
Passed out Fan
Passed out fan and super duper sloshed fan obviously have some overlap, but there are a fair amount of people out there who have no qualms about catching some z’s no matter the circumstances.
They could be drunk, bored, full from too many nachos, or just tired and in the mood for a nap. These are the same people that pass out on public transportation, in the nice seats at Starbucks, and at public parks.
Whether sleeping one off or just plain sleeping, passing out in public is a shameless move.
Overly Underdressed/Undressed Fan
Although the public tolerance for shamelessly undressed fans varies greatly depending on the attractiveness of the people involved, it doesn’t make it any more or less shameless.
Men tend to be the biggest offenders in this department, but don’t discount the ladies. In fact, I’ve never seen a man casually strip down to his underwear at a sporting even and quietly sob.
I have seen a woman do it, unfortunately.
Elaborate Costume Fan
Some fans take too much off, others put too much on.
Elaborate costume fans go beyond jerseys and face paint, opting instead for a ridiculous getup that may or may not have anything to do with the sporting event itself.
Just another shameless ploy to attract attention.
Posting Dumb Videos of Himself on YouTube Fan
One of the worst things about the internet age is that everyone under a certain age seems to think every thing they do deserves a stage. Sorry Millennials, but most of your ideas and thoughts aren’t precious gems and they do not need an audience.
YouTube is littered with videos posted by sports fans who feel the need to record and publicly distribute every thought that passes briefly through their brains. Some are actually pretty funny, like this Cowboys fan making his case against Tony Romo through song.
Most, however, like this Jaguar fan’s very long and very boring “rant” about Blaine Gabbert, are just sad and shameless. Remember when stuff like this would be shared in a conversation between friends or fellow fans in person, instead of with the world online?
Whipping off your clothes and running out onto the field at a sporting event is the ultimate in having no shame. Streaker fan actually combines “Running Onto The Field” fan and “Undressed Fan,” creating the ultimately shameless monster.
At least this guy had the decency to keep his tighty whities on, which is more than I can say for the rest of the NSFW streaker gallery I was just subjected to.
Forget the Women & Children Fan
Some sports fans are of the mind that “women and children first” is somewhat of an antiquated notion, instead preferring an “every man for himself” approach to life.
These are the guys who aren’t afraid to hit a woman and think of children as nothing more than speed bumps en route to catching that foul ball.
These are the shameless fans most likely to be publicly shamed and live forever in internet infamy.
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