On the days that Adam Wainwright's curve isn't breaking and Bryce Harper is slamming into walls, the wonderful world of fantasy baseball can be more pain than joy. Chin up, because you always have your team name.
Just past power rankings, draft analysis and trips to pick up the latest Baseball Prospectus lay a much more enjoyable fantasy venture: picking your team name.
Of course, it's always wise to go with inside jokes, calling out your fellow league friend for some awful fail or other soft spot.
However, if you are pressed for time or can't come up with puns on your own (Is there a support group for that?) we are here to help.
Here is our best crack at some fantasy baseball team names. We do warn you that you may groan loudly or slap your head at most of these, but they wouldn't be puns otherwise.
Kung Fu Panda Express: We may have found the reason behind Pablo Sandoval's weight fluctuation.
ManBearPuig: Thank you, Gordon McGuinness. Thank you for this.
Don't Bogaerts the Coco Crisp: On the rare occasion you have a couple of Youngs and Coco Crisp on your team. You will also need a hug.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Tulos: All props goes to this Twitter user who may have been making reference to Joey Terdoslavich. Regardless, we thought it was just too damn funny not to use with Troy Tulowitzki.
Digging for Goldschmidt/Goldschmidt Happens/Holy Goldschmidt: Really, you can go ahead and fill in whatever pun you like for the Diamondbacks' resident slugger and you should be fine.
The Devil Wears Prado: It's a classic for a reason.
Sippin' on Gin Andrus: Much props goes to Michelle Lang who spotted this awesome name on Twitter.
Super Rex Brothers: Rockies relief pitcher is both excellent on the mound and in name form.
Smoak 'em If You Got 'em: Another classic, though we don't recommend Justin Smoak on your team.
I Ain't More Skinny; I'm Molina: See? We told you they were bad.
Yu Darvish? No, Uehara: I have a juvenile sense of humor. I care not what you think of me.
Pablo Sandoval Ate My Homework: Likely.
Dr. Richard Kimbrel: The following could be your avatar:
This Little Puiggy Likes Shenanigans: Well, he does.
Everything's Gonna Be Aoki: This is for those June blues.
Breaking Necks and Cashner Cisheks: Here you go:
Dream Weavers: Jered Weaver has to be good for something every other start.
But We've Come Profar
All Aboard the Soo Choo Train
Wacha Wacha Wacha/ Imperial Wachas
Jose's Jeroes: Our selection of Jose Abreu has us beyond hopeful.
Keepin' It in the Jeurys Familia
The Duda Abides
Two Youngs Don't Make a Wright
Scruffy Looking Werth Hearders: To be fair, he is more Wookie than ballplayer now.
My Loney Has a First Name
Nothing, What's Tabata With You?
Pass the Jose Lobaton: Only comes into play in extremely deep leagues.
LJ Hoes in Different Area Codes: We hope not.
Gregorious B.I.G.: "Gre-Gre-Gre-Gregorious!" (Link NSFW)
Siegrist Out: [Drops mic and walks quickly towards last place]
And there you have it. Like the baseball season, you have team names that cover the wide swath between good and bad.
Of course, this is a long season, so we would love to hear what you have to offer for topical team names headed into 2014.
By June, most of us will wear the crown of the Houston Astros of the league, falling well into the basement of fantasy endeavors.
At that point, there is nothing much you can do but fire up a crafty name and talk smack on the league board. They can never take that away from us.
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