Brett Favre Admits He's Half-Robot
Last night, in a stunning announcement, Brett Favre admitted that much like his childhood hero, Spock, he is only half-human.
The other half, it was discovered, is robotic. Said Favre, "I’ve hid it for a long time, and I think it’s about time I spill my guts—well at least half of them anyway."
The story broke prior to Favre’s appearance on sportscaster Joe Buck’s new HBO show. But the rumors have been circulating for years.
Many consider Favre’s durability and arm strength impossible. The 39-year-old still possesses a cannon on his shoulder, and now it turns out, his arm "was in fact modeled after a howitzer," said an anonymous source this reporter tracked down in a remote robotic lab in Louisiana, which may in fact have constructed the quarterback.
"Look at his injury record," the source continued. "He plays the hardest position in sports, and no one comes close to matching his durability. I can’t believe people never put two and two together before. He never gets hurt because he can’t get hurt."
Is it so far fetched? A half-robotic athlete? This reporter has seen the movie "X-Men." If they can do it with Wolverine, who’s to say some crazed scientist wouldn’t do it with a sports figure? In fact, it helps explain the rationale of his countless retirements. The human side of him knows it’s time to quit, but the robotic half keeps telling him it’s just his emotions talking, and his robotic lifespan will allow another 20 years of football.
We’ll see come September if Favre will play again in the NFL, but at least now we have a better understanding of how he was built, why he never gets injured, and why his endless comebacks are so methodical. It’s in his DNA and programming.
For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).
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