Pittsburgh Basketball: Report Cards for the 2013-14 Panthers

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Pittsburgh Basketball: Report Cards for the 2013-14 Panthers
USA TODAY Sports

In the immortal words of Alice Cooper, school's out for summer (and, yes, for some, it's out forever) at the University of Pittsburgh. So it's time for Professor Popchock to put his 2013-14 Pitt basketball report cards in the mail.

But since I'm not a teacher, and since B/R won't even let me play one on TV (I heard that school from "Boy Meets World" is hiring), I had to concoct my own completely original criteria for grading these young men, not to mention their coach.

So I tried to keep things simple, and, above all, keep the performances of each player in proper context. Players who made visible progress from the previous season and played well in important games were considered for high marks. Players who leveled off and/or under-performed in important games were considered for average or below-average marks. Players who weren't in the starting five and didn't substantially impact the team one way or the other (see: Jones, Chris; Uchebo, Joseph; et al.) weren't considered at all.

Like I said, simple, yes? Well, not exactly.

Would it be fair to give Cam Wright an "A" for scoring in circles around some poor kid from Duquesne who might not start for half the teams in the ACC?

Would it be any more fair to give Lamar Patterson an "F" for getting outplayed by Jabari Parker, who was deemed the face of [insert name of sad-sack NBA franchise here] before he even put on a Duke uniform?

These are some of the questions over which I toiled long after finals had wrapped up and diplomas had been handed out.

Commencement has commenced, so let the grading begin.

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