Warning: Video contains NSFW language and images of a tall, haunting video game character.
Imagine a 6’4”, self-loathing stick of glue coming at you like a mandrill in heat.
If that image terrifies you (it should), you will be made uncomfortable by Conan O’Brien’s latest edition of “Clueless Gamer.” This time, Conan tested out WWE 2K14, and the results were hilarious, sweaty and ambiguously sexual in nature.
Selecting fellow Irish countryman/white shadow Sheamus, Conan began his test drive by facing off against Kane in a standard match. Buttons were pressed, “waist control” was established and the host eventually brought his opponent to a screaming breaking point.
However, the crowning segment of the review was Conan’s matchup against the Rock.
Utilizing the game’s build-a-wrestler tool, Conan created a wrestler in his own image. The final product was vaguely familiar.
Images via YouTube / maditsmadfunny.wikia.com
I don’t know how the dead guy looks happier than Conan either.
Conan found his wrestler breathtakingly realistic.
“The absence of an a**, the corpselike skin color is correct,” Conan said. “Look at the look of absolute, existential despair. That’s me. I’m ready to go.”
It goes without saying that the match was a complete bloodbath in Conan’s favor. The Rock was no competition for Conan’s spare frame, coiffed hair and Gumby-like appendages.
Thus went one of the most strangely satisfying and off-putting game reviews of all time.
It’s good to see Conan embracing his inner wrestler, and we can only hope this leads to a real-life cage match against the Rock.
Time to put on bikini bottoms, lay down some lighter fluid and step into the ring, Conan. America deserves this.
No pants, no mercy.