Meeting With the Boss: What Really Goes on at Headquarters [Part 1]

All of the wrestlers are sitting in a huge room at corporate headquarters. Most of the creative staff, as well as Vince and Paul, are seated at a long table near the front of the room. The meeting began with an intro from the Billion Dollar Princess herself and continued as follows.

Stephanie: Good evening, my fellow entertainers. I know some of you probably wanted to go home for some much-needed rest, but it can wait. This is more important. I just wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that--

Vince: *coughs* Ahem. Excuse me. Stephanie. Princess. Uh...where exactly are you going with this? What's this meeting all about?

Stephanie: *startled, blinks several times and forces a smile* Well father, if you just hold on a second. I was getting to that.

Vince: Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Continue. *takes a loud slurp of his iced coffee and nods*

Stephanie: As I was saying, today's meeting is about all the changes that are going to be taking place in the months to come. We at creative feel that we need to change it up a bit. I think we need to be more...edgy. *laughs nervously* That being said, I really want to start pushing that TV-14 rating. We need more violence and bloodshed and--

Vince: Uh...Princess? Just what...in the hell are you talking about?

Stephanie: *winces* Well father, I just...I've been hearing things lately about our show and well...quite frankly people don't like.

Vince: But we're selling a whole lot of merchandise! How the hell do you explain that?

*cough* Cena *cough*

The office erupted into laughter and I spotted Cena lowering his hat over his eyes, his face turning red with embarrassment. I almost felt sorry for him...almost.

Vince: ALRIGHT WHO SAID IT? WHO THE HELL MENTIONED CENA?

*sustained silence*

Vince: Alright then. Fine. But you know what? I don't give a damn because John Cena is a *bleep* hero! *pounds fist on the table* He is the best thing that ever happened to this business!

Shawn: *mumbles* You said that about Austin and DX just a few years ago.

A couple of guys laughed at him. Even I couldn't suppress the chuckle that escaped me after that one. I suddenly realized that the room was deathly silent so I went back to my note taking. Vince continued.

Vince: Anyone else says anything about John, and you're fired. I have no problem firing any one of you. Hell, Cena's the one drawing all the money so I could give a damn about the rest of ya.

Shawn: *prays silently* Lord help me. Please help me to think only of my family back home because I am two seconds away from walking out that *bleep* door. Oh *bleep* I just cursed. *bleep*! I need to pray. *closes his eyes and starts reciting something in Latin*

Bob: So uh...what were you saying about being "edgy" Ms. McMahon...er...Helmsley...Levesque...ma'am?

Stephanie: I was just thinking that maybe some of you could change up your acts a bit and maybe we can do more on the shows. We tend to save all the specialty matches for pay per view, but in the past we never thought to do that so much.

Tables, chairs,  cages...we used to do it all on Monday nights but now we've gotten slack. I say it's time we spice things up a bit. I'll start with you Cena.

Cena: *hopeful expression on his face* Yes maam?

Stephanie: How about we lose the whole "Marine" thing? It's not working for us anymore and--

Vince: *sputters almost incoherently* I beg your pardon, young lady! Did I not just say to leave Cena out of this?

Stephanie: Yes, but father he really needs to--

Vince: Keep doing what he's been doing because he's making me richer than rich! Move on to somebody else.

Stephanie: *sighs* Alright then. Uh...Benjamin. It's high time you stop being a jobber. I want you main eventing in two years. I was thinking you could win the Money in the Bank--

Vince: Like hell he will! I think Kennedy should win it.

Benjamin: KENNEDY! But sir...I've been here longer than him and--

Vince: And haven't had a decent match since you've been here!

Shawn: *whispers to Mark* Is he serious? * Mark nods* Oh hell, guess I need to pray harder. *mumbles* Decent match?! What the hell was he doing the night I almost got my rear end handed to me?

Kendrick: *raises hand nervously*

Stephanie: Yes, Brian?

Kendrick: Since we're going for a more edgy approach, do you think London and I can maybe--

Vince: Oh! Thank God you opened that mouth of yours. *Brian blinks looking slightly confused* Yeah. About London...HE'S FIRED!

Kendrick: *squeaks* But why!?

Vince: Because I didn't think much of him...Or the tag team division for that matter. *shrugs shoulders* Kendrick, I guess that means you're fired too.

Kendrick: *blinks then bursts into tears*

Shawn: ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU! KENDRICK STAYS! YOU WILL NOT BE FIRING MY STAR PUPIL! HE HAS PLENTY OF POTENTIAL TO BE GREAT SOMEDAY AND I BE DAMNED IF I'M GOING TO LET YOU FIRE HIM LIKE THAT!

Vince: *chuckles softly* As if you have any say so on the matter.

Shawn: *growls* You fire him and I'll go. I'll walk out here today and call Jarrett tomorrow. Imagine the kind of match I could have with Styles, Angle, or Sting.

Vince: *shrugs* Go. Have fun on the second-rate show. I don't really need you that much anyway. Besides, it was Paul's idea to bring you back. I personally agree with Bret because you were a pain in the ass. Still are, actually.

Shawn: I'm out of here. *gets up and storms out of the meeting slamming the door as hard as he can while shouting things in Latin*

Cena: Hey. Wait...boss...sir...I don't think...*hesitates*

Vince: *suddenly interested* Hey! Speak up, son! Whatever you say I'll listen Mr. Money...I mean Cena. *grins his creepy grin*

Cena: Well...sir...I think you are forgetting about Mania which is only three months away. Hunter...Er...Paul is injured so--

Vince: Oh yeah. You'll be needing an opponent for Mania. How about JBL?

JBL: *scoffs* This Wrestling God would rather burn his cold hard cash than to job to Captain America again.

Cena: *suddenly embarrassed* Uh...I wrestled him two years ago.

Vince: Oh. Well how about Edge?

Edge: Hell no! I'm not rolling around the mat with him! The last time I wrestled him he tried to kill me! I almost died but does anyone care? No!

Cena: Isn't he supposed to be in the MITB? Besides he's on Smackdown.

Vince: Alright then. Jericho. How about Chris Jericho?

Jericho: I haven't even made my official return yet. Besides, I refuse to defile my perfect body rolling around the ring with a misogynous egomaniac who is literally sickening to look at. The sight of his wrestling matches borderline parasitic in nature because--

Vince: SHUT UP!

Chris: Fine. I'll shut up but mark my words, Vince. The only one you need to worry about is me. Chris Jericho. The only person to ever beat both--

Everyone: THE ROCK AND AUSTIN IN THE SAME NIGHT!

Vince: Fine! *turns to Cena* Well you know anyone?

Cena: The guy that's about to walk out the door sir. Shawn. I'd like to wrestle Shawn.

Vince: *scratches his chin* Well...I suppose you two can wrestle. I'm sure you'll make him look really good for his old age.

Patterson: *his body's practically shaking at this point* I could just-- The nerve of him to say things...Wrestlemania 12...

Mark: *nudges Pat in the side* Calm down. You know Vince is off his rocker. I figured that out a long time ago after seeing the Lex Express in my neighborhood.

Vince: I think that's all the time we have for today.

Stephanie: But dad, I haven't even--

Vince: I have to get my hair cut and you're not going to make me late. Cena's situated so that's all that matters. You're all dismissed.

Stephanie: *mumbles under her breath* I can't wait until you're old enough to be put in a home. Senile old...

Vince: Did you say something, Steph?

Stephanie: *forces the world's cheesiest smile* No sir. I was just...leaving.

Vince: Come on and ride with me sweetheart. I have major plans for you to outline in the next meeting.

I sat quietly and watched as people filed out of the room, most of them dropping f-bombs all over the place.

I scoffed. Are they serious? How dare they question the chairman! He knows what's best for the company and has made it his business to give us our money and time's worth week after week.

So what's the problem?

I decided that I needed to sit in on a few more meetings in order to figure it out. I talked with Shane over the phone and he has given me a pass to sit in on every meeting that they have, even minor ones.

The next meeting will take place exactly one week from today and I will return to give you the inside scoop because I have made it my mission to give the people what they want and that is justice! Er...the truth. Until next time people.

~Nef

 

*Note: None of this ever happened. (Go figure.) But in the slight chance that it did then wow. Poor Stephanie. I am not expressing my personal beliefs about any of the superstars. I am merely using rumors or common misconceptions about each person/wrestling persona to make you guys laugh.

Oh yeah. And Bob's just a lowly, underpaid intern who may or may not exist. You'll be seeing him a lot.

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