Phoenix Suns Rookies Perform Terrible Jackson 5 Rendition

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Phoenix Suns Rookies Perform Terrible Jackson 5 Rendition
Screenshot via NBA.com

As an NBA rookie, you live to serve the veterans.

If they ask you for Gatorade, you ask, “Fierce Grape or Lemon Lime?” If they need a ride to the airport, you show up with a chauffeur's cap. 

Players’ first seasons in the NBA are full of petty tasks, but few produce such fantastically awful results as the Phoenix Suns rookies’ on-demand Jackson 5 cover.

Performing in front of a live audience at the Suns’ recent JumpBall charity fundraiser, Alex Len, Dionte Christmas and Archie Goodwin eviscerated everything good and right about “I Want You Back.”

This wonderful moment in rookie-initiation history was spotted by Lang Whitaker of NBA.com. The performance featured minimal singing, beat-boxing and a tall Ukrainian man trying desperately to chip in to the charade.

In other words, it was everything you wanted from an impromptu, rookie pop performance and more.

Click HERE for the video.

Shall we grade this work of performance art?

Dionte Christmas: B-

Christmas went for it. As the only person who knew any of the words, he came out hot and took the lead position. For that he deserves credit.

Unfortunately, he quickly fell apart and ultimately gathered the troops for retreat. Christmas’ biggest saving grace could’ve been his white glove, had he done the song any justice.

Alex Len: A-

Len had no idea what was going on, but tried desperately to do anything that would merit approval.

Considering he didn’t grow up in America, we have to give him the benefit of the doubt on the lyrics. At least Len didn’t ruin the song. 

Archie Goodwin: A+

Goodwin cracked his voice and beat-boxed during a Jackson 5 cover. That takes some brass guavas. 

Good work, rooks. And by “Good work,” I mean, “I cannot believe none of you know a lick of this song.”

Seriously, get your business together and listen to some oldies for once.

 

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